I actually don't understand what I'm doing wrong

GymBroTRT · 2024-07-29T15:19:40+00:00

Okay, so I need you to take a step back first before we diagnose the problem.

First of all, you need to decide what it is that you want. Are you looking for another gf, FWB, ons? What exactly are you dating these girls for? If you don’t know, then you are essentially putting them in the driving seat, because they will be leading the interaction.

Second, decide what kind of woman you want. What her qualities will be, what she looks like, does she have a job, education, how she treats you, how she spends her time, hobbies, attitudes towards sex, etc.

You may wonder what’s the purpose of this exercise? Here, I will tell you. When you have no idea what you are looking for beside some vague idea of getting laid, you lose focus. You immediately fall into the frame of “I need to convince this girl to have sex with me”, which is essentially making her sex the prize. You are chasing and her reaction is to run.

When you decide what you want, you will become more discerning and you will be the one vetting and filtering women. Essentially, you become the chooser, because they must adhere to your criteria. And if they don’t, you have to be willing to walk away. When men don’t have any criteria besides “she looks attractive enough”, it essentially puts the woman in the driving seat. Because she will be the one qualifying you and vetting you to see if you are good enough for her. This is NOT a position you want to be in.

From your post, I can easily determine that you basically chasing these girls for sex. They can sense it and they reject you.

Okay, now on to the more tactical stuff and mistakes I’m sensing. The biggest cause of dating failures for men is over pursuing women and speed running the situation. I often use the analogy of a guy who gets invited to a party and he shows up without having eaten all day. So he proceeds to inhale all the snacks and food at the party and get drunk and make a fool of himself. He can’t quite comprehend what went wrong because he is thinking “well, the host told me to help myself to snacks and it’s a party, so of course I drank the booze”.

While technically right, he shows complete disregard for social norms and unwritten rules. In other words; most men show up to dates too thirsty, because they don’t date or have enough sex. So they take any interest from a woman to be an invitation to go in touch her; make out; hold hands and get all relationshippy way too early. You are basically speed running those dates and trying to fast forward them to how you’d act if you’d been dating for 6 months. Breaking the touch barrier, putting your hands all over them? Creepy. Wait for a woman to touch you first. Only after she touches you, can you touch her back. But on a very reserved manner, it’s not an invitation to put your hands all over her.

You have to treat women like cats. You can’t just chase them around and think they will jump in your lap like dog and start licking your face. You need to ignore them, not give them a lot of interest or attention. If you know what you want and have a list of criteria, you’d also be more focused on finding out if she is worthwhile of your time and attention as opposed to trying to “game” her and get her in bed. By “trying” so hard, you are actually turning these women off.

The underlying rule of this is:

Women NEVER want what they CAN get and ONLY want what they CAN’T get.

Thats why by trying so hard to touch them and make out, you actually lose their interest. You become the guy they can get easily because he is basically pursuing them. If you pulled back, if you were more difficult to read and impress, if you were the one making her jump through hoops to get with you, you become the guy they can’t get. So they end up chasing you. You have to have the balls to sometimes say “I’m not sure this will work out” if they mention a weird hobby or something they’ve done in the past. If a girl tells you “I don’t know if this will work out”, what is your first reaction? To tell her “oh, no, it can work out, here is why….” And try to seek yourself. It works the other way around too.

In other words, don’t be such a thirsty horn dog. Cool your jets and pull back your interest and eagerness way more.

c-honda · 2024-07-29T14:53:42+00:00

Looks and fitness are a big factor obviously. Don’t prioritize intimacy or touching, instead lock eye contact and when she is reciprocating for a while go for the kiss. If she goes home after the date and comes to the conclusion that you were trying to fuck on the first date she will likely ghost.

Are you texting her after the first date? Sometimes that is a very sensitive point and a second date heavily depends on the post first date communication.

If I were you, first make sure you’re attractive, then go in the first date, very early on maintain good eye contact, slowly initiate touch, towards the end initiate a kiss not a makeout session, go your separate ways and say you’ll talk to her tomorrow. Then the next day sometime in the evening call her and set up your next meeting, however more immature girls get freaked out by phone calls so a text would have to suffice then.

This isn’t about trying to fuck on the first date, that makes women feel insecure and duped. This is about getting women to go from being curious about you to being crazy about you. That eye contact is key for sexual tension, that leads the way into all of your moves after, and when you break off at the right moment it will leave her needing more.

SnooHesitations4922 · 2024-07-29T15:08:13+00:00

I got you, this is simple. You may have done nothing "wrong".

Most girlfriends I had will tell you that I did nothing right when I met them.

You must have somehow reversed the polarity.

The second that your interest level exceeds hers is the second she decides that you must not be able to do better than her, and she then sees you as beneath her and she is done with you.

High interest women are especially prone to flaking, then you wonder what you did wrong because she seemed so interested.

In our logical male minds, the more interest the girl shows, the more we should reciprocate; but doing that reverses the polarity, women do not operate on logic.

The more interest a woman shows you, the more intensely she is evaluating your interest levels to ensure your levels don't exceed hers.

When they play that good girl game and act all kind and sweet and sometimes overzealous or even urgent..., they are actually baiting you into acting feminine to justify disqualifying you.

With all that said you can look back at any interaction and pinpoint the exact moment a girl decided to disqualify you to prevent it from happening in the first place. That moment is when you said or did something that displayed equal or greater interest.

Title	I actually don't understand what I'm doing wrong
Author	Ok_Natural_6156
Upvotes	2
Comments	10
Date	July 29, 2024 2:28 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1ef0xr2/i_actually_dont_understand_what_im_doing_wrong/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-actually-dont-understand-what-im-doing-wrong.1525675 https://theredarchive.com/post/1525675

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