Hi Guys,

I really need some advice. I have been in a very rough marriage for 13 years. We have 1 boy 9YO and 1 girl 11YO. My w and I daily get in arguments about me being irresponsible and neglectful. She constantly tells me I do random things. (I do what I want, when I want, and how I want). She has accused me for years of being emotionally abusive (I never yell at her), but I have yelled at my children in the past, but only after extreme stress. My basic parenting style is shaming and blaming. I have tried to change this behavior but I am never able to. I loved to play with our children, but I basically don't father them. Through her daily berating of me I am in such a tight corner that I feel like I cannot do anything. She tells me that she doesn't even trust me to wash the dishes.

She always used arguments like:

Wife: How to you feel (to me)?

Me: I feel desperate and powerless.

Wife: You feel desperate? Desperate people take actions.

Me: Are you implying that I don't feel desperate?

Wife: You don't take actions. Desperate people take actions.

(This goes on and on, until she forces me to admit I am not desperate and that I only care about myself and my feelings. She then accused me of only when I feel good (God mode) then I give love to our children. When I feel worthless, then I withhold love.)

I understand how she is thinking but for the life of me, I feel like she always uses her logic to invalidate me and paint me as a bad guy. She actively tells our children that I am a narcissist, I will only save myself if we are in danger, and that when I (me) finally leave that I will take everything. She has also been showing our children past videos of how narcissistic I am/was.

For about 6 years she said that she wanted a divorce, but I would always say that I will change and I come up with some hacked together plan to be better. But nothing ever pans out. I am at a stage where I believe that I am the most worthless man on the planet and I cannot ever parent my children. She will never accept anything less than "good-enough" (her words). This last Spring I really tried to be better and be there for my children, but I am sliding down faster and faster and I am such a push over. Every time I am weak with my children she calls me out, calls me names, and tells me I am worthless all in front of our children. And then shamefully asks me when I am going to leave.

Last night, we had another fight on the way home which resulted in her telling our children that it is unfair I I (me) leaves and doesn't correct the damage I have done. And I must at minimum find a replacement father. So, when I leave he can hit the ground running. Both of our children agreed that would be fair. She forced me to agree that it would be fair. I know what happens if I disagree. I believe that when she doesn't focus on me my wife is a good mother, and I genuinely believe that she should have custody. I am very torn as to whether I am even good enough to be in my children's lives.

Brother, I could really use some advice.