Hello all 3 years ago I left my wife and filed. She lied, she cheated she manipulated me to no end until I had a mental breakdown. At one point she was able to convince me that I made it all up and I am the crazy one. I left my 3 kids temporarily as I tried to recover in roach motels while holding down a full time job (barely). The daily panic attacks didn't stop until a full year later. I recovered and met a woman with 2 kids. My 3 kids now live with us half the time and it worked out really well thus far. I was blessed with xwifes entire family (except the narcissist father) showing me the way and the truth. I remain close with her siblings and even her mother particularly when she is manipulated also. My wife tends to use the kids as pawns against her mother and sister because they ratted her out. Brothers decided to stay away completely for other unrelated reasons. Fast forward past all the continued lies and numerous attempts by her to keep the kids.... ..... In March 2024 she introduced another new guy to my kids. Moves him in same month. Few months later my boys come to me with problems. One says the guy likes to jump into his bed to wake him for school and likes to play fight. The other said he tried reprimanding him. That all stopped when I sent her a message about it.
In August the kids began talking more. New guy told my son "why are you leaving with your dad, don't you love your mother?" In August the x wife, the boyfriend and her father aptly named "the trio" tried to convince my boys (older daughter never present and always cut out of the alienation) that I choked her, I can be violent and that they have all these video cameras because they are scared of my guns. For clarity I never choked her. She liked hands around the neck in the end but I suspect the other 4 dudes clued her in on her new found desires and experimentation that I was a fool to think was just a midlife revival.
When my youngest son 8yo said "I don't believe you mom" she told him "let's walk across the street and talk to the friendly neighbor". For context that man was one of many who slept with her while I was blissfully unaware. These two compulsive liars, once stood and swore on their kids lives that they never slept with each other despite me having all the proof needed. His wife is still friends with mine to date and has no clue. His wife thinks I am a nut and that's why I left. Every now and again I use his wife as leverage and remind my wife how I am waiting for the right time to tell his wife. They too have 3 kids similar ages.
So I lost my cool after my son told me that his mom can prove me a monster if only he spoke to the neighbor. I said "yes do talk to mommy's sidepiece". I gave them a mere 1% of my story. My boys were not very surprised. My daughter knew all along. When I left 3 years ago I simply said "mommy lied to me and that's why I have to leave but I promise I will be back and you will see me half the time". It took me a while to find my bearings. The defendant in court submitted affidavit after affidavit filled with lies, conjecture and deceit mostly. The few snippets of truth were everytime mired in contradictions and blatant hypocrisy. My reply was just few pages to her 30. She tried her best to take the kids more than her fair share. For now I struggle in substandard conditions, in a household far smaller, far less pretty, with 2 adults who work full time and 7 people live here half the time. Xwife works half time. She can not (refuses to) work full time because she would become the moneyed spouse. She will eventually have to pay me a quarter million to divorce. I sit on my hands for now while she enjoys the house I bought and built with my two hands (left it for the benefit of my kids). After I told the kids 1% of why I left, I regretted it instantly. First I kept it from them for 3 years. 2nd I was afraid they would tell the neighbors kids who have no fault in this.
Fastforward few weeks to now. Last week wife and new BF tried to get my youngest son on my time. I have an open door policy. Always did. My kids do not take advantage of it. They did in the very beginning before my x alienated her entire extended family. Now they know the schedule I designed and "forced" and we stick to it. This was the first time the wife attempted to break our unofficial schedule in years. I came out calmly and told her never to do that and to come back in an hour when her time starts. Boyfriend starts mouthing off. I told him we can have a conversation in private later and to slow his role. He calls the cops and tells them I am threatening them and that I have illegal guns. Cops came and left nobody searched as clearly my guns are all legal. All my 5 kids witnessed this unfortunately. I kept them all overnight on her time for their own well being. She tried to protest but I told the cop it's not gonna happen and let her know. Kids obviously agreed.
We had court the next day. I told the child. Lawyer everything and made her promise not to blow up my kids spot and make it seem like they been ratting out their mother. She honored that. Without detail the court clerk admonished both of us and said he is considering a full scale forensic investigation and that "one of use will definitely not like the result". Xwife tried to play they calm and levelheaded one and said not to do forensics and that she only wants to finalize custody for the kids benefit. And the only thing I need to do is to cut her sister out (court clerk knows full well I will never do that because the kids love her). He also remembers me well from our initial convo years ago where I refused to give her 60% share of the kids and used sarcasm as my usual defense mechanism (sometimes to a fault). After court I am happy I go to pick up my youngest. I am a bit late and know he is inside what is still my house, with the new boyfriend. She has exclusive use (I didn't fight it). I honk and honk. Go to the park and nothing. Come back and honk some more. Nothing. I make way to my door across my porch that I built with my two hands. Before I ring the bell my son comes out and we are walking away. New BF opens the door and yells "you are not supposed to be here get off OUR porch". I politely turn around and yell "NO you are not supposed to be here, this is not your porch and get off my mattress". My son starts laughing and smiling in the car. He yells "stay here I am calling the cops". I yell " I got stuff to do efff youu" and drive off to get my other kids. I have no order against me ringing the bell not one that says it is a curbside pickup despite picking them up strictly at the curb for 3 years. My youngest proceeds to say "dad... Moms BF keeps saying stuff about you" 1. Which team are you on? Moms or dads? 2. Your daddy is a liar 3. I also have a bad daddy I asked him "what do you want me to do?". Son says "go back and talk to him I want to listen in". I comply and go back. Thinking about rearranging his face but knowing I must not. I return and signal to him to come out. Police approach and ask me to take it down from 10 to a 4 (I was shocked because that was a 1 for me). I agreed with cops yet again to meet back at my rental (1 mile away). This time I forced them to come in and look for illegal guns (all in a gun safe). They did but refused to search for my illegal drugs. Police has my youngest in camera and on police report letting them know about the alienation he just revealed to me. The next day their mom made them unfriend me on playstation and told them not to text me during her time and only one call. I rarely call them on her time. I seldom text them on her time. Just good morning and good nite and some homework reminders. In contrast she is incessant and violates my privacy CONSTANTLY to the point that I had to tell the kids that Mommy has no right to know how many seatbelts, pillows, who what when where how etc... Both boys also recently told me that the boyfriend interviews them in private and is likely recording them. He asked the boys if he was inappropriate ever or if he annoys them. They said "no" because they felt uncomfortable and don't like it (their words).
Lastly this is the one that got me good. I had a mild panic attack in my basement which hasn't happen in years. Couldn't breathe felt like a fish. My daughter texts me few days ago "dad mom is telling him that he made it all up that none of what he said is true and that he will be punished". I read this and all the manipulations are instantly replayed in my head 10x the normal speed. My mental breakdown 3 years ago, the lies the deceits the thefts and the acrimony. It lasted a minute but felt like hours. I recover and calm down. Next day I pick up . My kids and tell my now 9yo "I believe you, your siblings believe you, we all believe you, you're not delusional". He says "dad I know obviously".
Currently 2/3 of my kids want the BF out. The 3rd always impartial. When I was living in squalor alone, he was the only one that slept over like clockwork. Infact it was him, that helped me the most. It was devastating not to have all my kids sleep over (I couldn't accommodate them in good conditions anyways). But he came over steady and never missing a beat.
They realize there is something wrong. They realize their huge extended family vanished. They realize that I am the remaining link to her side and my own small family.
Here is where the dilemma is. I do not want a court involved at all in terms of custody but I understand they are and will be. Frankly I see it as a vast failure. I want my kids to determine where and who they see and how often (yes I know that's not something the court offers) and I will enable that. I remind you about the sister who is mentioned in multiple affidavits as the devil. While I now have a chance to take custody and to get the BF out permanently, I am apprehensive. First it would make me a hypocrite. I always told the kids they are to decide who what where when and that I will not involve the court to make these decisions. This has worked out for me despite the court always advocating for "co parenting". I was honest with the child lawyer. "My wife is a narcissist. You will never make me coparent with her. Parallel parenting is how we do it and have done it". She was not angry with my comment but also I believe she understands that I have managed to place all the power to make these decisions with the kids. Yes I understand all the reasons why parents should coparent and decide between them. I have a teen a tween and a 9yo far smarter than the other 2. I don't have money for my own lawyer much less a full forensic investigation. In contrast my wife who enjoys half my work hours, was left with an inheritance she stole from the sibling, a house she "stole" from me which I purchased before marriage and children. I am strongly considering sitting in my hands and letting time sort it out. I have had a lot of success with doing not much at all as it relates to being a plaintiff in court.
I am not venting. I have ample room to do that. I have told you a small portion of what could be an autobiography. I just want advice. Maybe find someone with a similar story. I want forensics to take custody from her but I feel like I should let it play out "naturally" for my kids sake. They are more aware of what's what than I previously understood