Bit of background - I'm 5'5 and ugly with jagged teeth. So basically as low as I can naturally be on the SMV scale. Until recently, I'd managed to get by and do alright with girls just thanks to personality I guess (it certainly wasn't looks). I've always been a risk-taker, outgoing, pretty fun and funny which must be the only thing that draws women to me.

Anyway, I went through a pretty rough depression (or "BDD" according to my psychiatrist) early last year, and eventually begun injecting testosterone to help with gym (had been working out 3 years until then) and the baby-face. It was working pretty great, I was spinning plates like never before and proportion of girls who showed interest in me before I'd ever shown any interest in them skyrocketed. Things were going good.

Long story short, my flatmate found out about it and told literally everybody. Everyone in my social circle knows. A lot of people have made a lot of comments about my height since (before that never happened), Napoleon, off-hand jokes about masculinity etc. I'm a laughing stock to half the girls I know and I can even sense the social dynamic has changed when I'm with all-male friends.

I've gone from someone who was respected by men and successful with women, to being a walking punchline. I can't talk about this to anyone irl for obvious reasons so I'm just wondering what TRP thinks.

I'm about to enter my second year at college and I'm living with the flatmate who told everyone, and one of my exes (organised living arrangements in October). So I'm not really looking forward to the next year at all. Suicide and dropping out look like my only two ways out. Maybe transferring but that would mean starting first year college again at the age of 21. But if I drop out I'm sure I'll end right back up at "suicide" in a year or two.

It's been weighing heavy on my shoulders these past few months. I can't eat, sleep or even get out of bed. I just feel physically sick at the thought of going back to college and being around people who know about my BDD. Like I saw, we were a close, tight-knit social circle, so word spread fast and literally every who knew me has heard about it.