Men Don’t Care About Men

Men, as a group, don’t seem to care about other men. We’re the first ones to tear each other down, dismiss each other’s struggles, or perpetuate toxic cycles that harm us all. Think about the harsh societal expectations placed on men. We’re told to always be tough, to suppress emotions, to provide without complaint, and to never show vulnerability. But whenever someone critiques these toxic standards, who rushes in to defend and reinforce them? Other men. Instead of questioning why we’re told to “man up” or why expressing emotions is seen as weak, we attack the person pointing it out, doubling down on these harmful norms. It’s like we’re our own worst enemy.

Men complain about women’s history Month or pride month, and say “Men’s Day?” It exists, International Men’s Day exists (November 19), yet men do nothing for it. There are no events, no advocacy, no awareness being raised. Men are quick to complain about other groups uplifting themselves but completely unwilling to do the same for men. Instead of taking action, we sit around bitterly pointing fingers at others who are doing the work we refuse to do.

Male abuse, sexual assault, and rape victims are often downplayed, but it’s almost always other men downplaying it. If a man is abused by a woman, his trauma is mocked or dismissed. He’ll get called a degrading insults because he couldn’t defend himself against a woman, instead of genuine support. To make it worse, adult men glorify female predators who sexually assault adolescent/teenage boys, treating it as some twisted accomplishment instead of what it really is—abuse. Men usually teach young boys that this sort behavior is okay, and that any sort of sexual attention from adult women should be welcomed. And if they don’t like it, they’re perceived as gay. We perpetuate harmful ideas about consent and shame men for being vulnerable or speaking out about their pain.

When men seek therapy, open up about mental health, or show fear, they’re labeled as weak or mocked outright. From a young age, boys are taught that being “manly” means dominating others, being aggressive, and avoiding anything deemed “feminine.” Who teaches this? Men. We shame boys who cry, shame hobbies that aren’t traditionally masculine, and ostracize men who don’t conform. We’ve built this prison of hypermasculinity ourselves, and then we complain about being trapped in it.

So why do we sabotage our own well being? Why do we expect others—women, or society at large—to fix issues we refuse to address ourselves? Self advocacy is the key to progress, but instead of taking action, we undermine the efforts of those who try to help. If men really cared about men, we’d be dismantling toxic masculinity, uplifting male victims, celebrating each other’s successes, and fighting for our collective well being. Until we start doing that, we can’t expect others to care about us when we clearly don’t care about ourselves.