How did you announce your decision to your family?

OctinoxateAndZinc · 2025-02-04T20:33:06+00:00

Told my parents. Told my siblings. Told VERY close (non-mutual) friends. Consider anyone on her side of the family gone - even if you've known them for decades they will pick a side and it wont be you. Mutual friends will also choose sides. You're going to lose more than her so come to grips with that now.

She suddenly insisted she would never agree to a divorce, making it seem like she just wants to drag this out.

Well good luck to her because it's gonna happen. There are ways to slow the process but it cannot be stopped.

What steps did you take?

Moved communication to email for everything. If she says something to you, send an email (re: hallway conv). Text? Email (re: 02/04 10am Text). WAIT 24 HOURS TO REPLY TO ANY COMMUNICATION. Why??

she knows all your buttons
she WILL push them

She will keep you on your heels making decisions based off emotion and other BS ("Ill get the house, full custody, and support to match!) but know its all words. If you find yourself getting upset, know you're already ahead because he trying to rile you up is her hail Mary. She's got nothing left.

Did you move out or stay in the same home?

DO NOT LEAVE YOUR HOME. Don't let her sell you on things being better for everyone if you move out. Once you're out of the house you'll never get back in and she will have ZERO reason to move any of the process along. Why would she? You're gone.

Kids are absolute #1 priority and do not settle for anything less than 50/50 no matter what. Do not drink or use drugs. Be on your best behavior. Put up cameras if you can.

apatrol · 2025-02-04T18:27:34+00:00

I divorced just over 50 with two adult kids. My dad was one of 13 siblings. So I have over 70 cousins. Good Catholic family.

I'm private. I knew my ex would play games inside my family. So I told as few people as possible. My mom and dad got all the details. My brother and sister learned indirectly. And everyone else just knew my ex disappeared. The grapevine said whatever. I'm not sure. It just doesn't come up at all three years later. Good enough for me.

My ex wife did in fact become a poltergeist. She drove 200 miles to meet with one of my cousins with a gift in her hand and a laundry list of grievances. She worked up one of my aunts until the aunt gave me a what-for. And my ex went melodrama with a few others in my family. It stopped there. Lost steam. It's honestly a spectator sport. And "boring" shut it down quickly.

I estranged every single in-law. I lump those relationship in the same bucket as "I'd love to stay friends" after breaking up. It's a Hollywood type of invite in my opinion. But people have different bonds. I was close. But I just didn't see those relationships enduring.

Living with a STBXW must be a new level of hell. I feel bad for people who are forced to do it. I was lucky in that my ex wife moved out.

Helpful-Paramedic463 · 2025-02-04T13:32:17+00:00

So I'm 44, married for 20 years, kids 19, 17, and 12.

My wife asked me for a divorce after Christmas and I later found out she'd been having an affair.

We first sat the kids down and told them we're divorcing. We did not tell them the reasons although I absolutely wanted to. I'll tell them later but not now.

Then I told my brothers and my parents, and a few close friends.

My wife and I are still living together but I'm in the guest room. She's moving out soon.

We're still friends on Facebook and having changed our marital status yet. I think she's afraid to say more because she knows if the infidelity price comes out it will ruin her reputation.

Title	How did you announce your decision to your family?
Author	Level_Extension_6300
Upvotes	11
Comments	8
Date	February 4, 2025 1:55 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1ih6l0y/how_did_you_announce_your_decision_to_your_family/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-did-you-announce-your-decision-to-your-family.1542922 https://theredarchive.com/post/1542922

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