My whole life i kind of hated myself for not being the life of the party everywhere i went. Sometimes i could pull it off, other times it was fake and forced. Both of these actually put me in the position of beta, since i was ungrounded and kind of people pleasing. A little faggot, you might say.

Nowadays i've come into myself more, so to speak. I lift and workout and feel pretty damn good about who i am. Still get nervous socially sometimes, but not an unnatural amount. I'm pretty confident, but i STILL compare myself and feel lesser than those guys who can own a room. I still want to be that guy just for the benifits of dominating the room and having the ladies vibing with it, even though i don't really want to engage with people like that.

I hope this paradox is clear....my question is, is an introvert simply an extrovert with walls up? Should i try and connect with people more? Or should i be natural, talk when i feel like it, don't when i don't?