How can I improve? (6 first dates, no 2nd, got another first tomorrow)

later-gator-3341 · 2025-04-06T03:56:36+00:00

The way I look at it is: I've never ever regretted escalating. I've never thought "wow I should not have went for the kiss, it made things awkward" because the only way to get the kiss is to go for the kiss.

On the other hand, I HAVE regretted not escalating. I've regretted staying in the friend zone too long, not making a move, not approaching, being too platonic, and not sexual enough. I'd say 99% of my regrets are not action, but inaction.

If you shoot your shot and it doesn't work, you can at least say "I shot my shot, sure I could've done a better job, but I'm happy with my attempt and I'll get better in the future" as opposed to "well I didn't even try because I was shy/anxious/nervous/compliant."

FriendlyWrenChilling · 2025-04-06T04:10:04+00:00

You've bascially highlighted yyour own problem with the second paragraph.

No escalation
Bad verbal skills
Inner game issues where you fear looking like a creep.

Just do the opposite. I have a post on escalation, verbal techniques and the "top 10 inner game beliefs to hold." That will help you out lots.

I would work on escalation first and not fear it so much. Since you know that you wont be getting a date number 2 anyways, why not just shoot for the escalation? Thats a recontexualization I would immeidtaely apply for the next date.

Unfortunately, you will not fix these problems in the short term. Escalation skills are built in the club approaching hundreds of women, verbal skills are built in daygame approaches and inner game is built after many consequtive experiences of success.

Turbulent-Fan4253 · 2025-04-06T04:56:20+00:00

Are you me?

Rude_Public721 · 2025-04-06T06:37:16+00:00

It’s funny because I feel like we may struggle with the opposite things rn. For me it’s texting lol. Anyways when I secure a date back at my place, I realize I subconsciously have a routine. Once we get into my apartment, I give a quick tour and tell them they can sit on the couch. From there I’m sitting next to them and building rapport and getting to know them. After a minute I might offer a snack or glass of water. Then I’ll throw on a movie, ask them what genres they like n choose etc. Now to be clear, when I’m talking with them I have learned to stay away from boring questions because you don’t want to make it an interview, so I tease them. Here’s an example, Me: what’re you studying? Why are you studying that? ❌ | what’re you studying? Ohhh so you’re a nerd? HB: what do you mean? Me: only nerds are biology majors, what got you into that✅. This way is more teasing and playful, and you don’t come off as passive. Another thing I learned is just making statements to get a reaction. Me: I can already tell you’re a party girl. Now she’s justifying herself to me that she isn’t or she doesn’t go out that much etc. But back to where I left off. Once the movies on, I sit back on my couch if the girl isn’t over me already, I’ll be like come here or where you so far in a teasing and playful way. Typically the girl is laying between my legs, so I’ll gently rub my hands through her hair or down her arm overtime. Think progressive overload, slowly you can do more. I’ll go from her hair, to to her shoulders, to her arms, to her breast. Or if she’s sitting beside me, her thighs to her ass. Then eventually I’ll feel the sexual tension build and I’ll grab her chin and turn it towards mine and kiss her. When I’m kissing her I take full control as women want to be taken control of when they’re sexually interested. So for me I might grab her wrist and pin them behind their head as I make out. But that’s a preference. Now for me, I have gotten really good at getting girls to want to have sex with me, not to be cocky just being honest. I will go from making out with her, back to watching the movie and actually watching it lol. Every now and again I will take control and kiss them, grope them etc, but I won’t do too much. Then what usually happens is I’ll feel a girl get more touchy, so if she’s now laying on my chest she will rub her hands on the bottom part of my stomach or near my thigh indicating she wants to touch my dick (if not directly going for it), so I’ll say something teasing like: if you want it take it/don’t be shy/ you can touch it, and I’ll grab their hand and place it on my dick. Other times I’ve told girls to just give me head, depending on how touchy they are. But from there, they start to rub, then I put there hands inside my pants and then I tell them what I want. I usually don’t want to have sex so I just tell them to give me head. Women get more pleasure when you focus on your own compared to theirs trust. But the number one rule I was taught for first dates that made it all easy for me was to do 20% of the talking, your job is just to get to know her, make her laugh and have a chill and good time. This exact framework I’ve shared here, has worked about 6 out of the 7 times I’ve used it so far.

Jironasaurus · 2025-04-06T10:18:06+00:00

No easy fix. You need to be bold and start being more flirtatious. More playful. More sexual. You have to accept that you're gonna get rejected somewhere down the road and be okay with it.

A good mental reframe to this is... They're on the date with you. They want the same things you want. So either you do that, or someone else will.

Plastic_Friendship55 · 2025-04-06T10:33:25+00:00

Only physical dates matter. How they or you act online means nothing. Online is not social. It’s letters on a screen. Forget about everything that happens on apps or other online thing. You connection start the moment you meet. What happens after that is all that matters.
You send vibes and energies. Just like incels and black pillers reek of insecurity and chads reek of confidence, you will send vibes that let the women know what you are about. Vibes never lie. But you can chose what vibes you send chest parts of you that should be shown at what situation. Be aware of your vibes. Few are. Know what your vibes tell others. If you send vibes that say you are more the friendly type than the romantic, women will notice and adapt to that. As you say, you even notice it yourself.

Be in control of the vibes you send.

Practice this before you go on the next date. When you are around people think “what vibes are I sending now. And try to change them. I usually go to a mall where there are lots of people and practice. Try different vibes. Notice how it makes me feel and notice how other people pick up on my vibes.

The vibes you would want to send is that you are enjoying your date and that you find the woman interested and attractive. So confidence and interest.

And you need to add some romantic interest to the mix on a date. Some basic flirting.

It’s pretty basic once you know what you are doing And soon it will be you who decides if there will be s second date or not

Kobe_curry24 · 2025-04-06T15:06:06+00:00

You need to be intentional with your dating and intentional with your actions , leave your shame at the door , and start looking at the women and not just a quick lay , once you can do away with dating for sex things will be better you still need to escalate but do it with intention and you have to better Vet women by asking the right questions, what’s her goals what’s her dreams , what does she love to do , you could start there figure out your main interest and then find a women that likes that interest , good luck , also there’s nothing wrong with having a roster that’s better than going on 6 dates Jesus in this economy? . And taking a break and writing down what your doing wrong is key , also tell the women within the first week what your expect from them , like I would love to date you , this lets her know what you expect , this would save you time ,cause you already told her you want to date her , so if she not reciprocating that next .

Title	How can I improve? (6 first dates, no 2nd, got another first tomorrow)
Author	Medical-Shoulder-418
Upvotes	1
Comments	15
Date	April 6, 2025 3:36 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1jsl5hx/how_can_i_improve_6_first_dates_no_2nd_got/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-can-i-improve-6-first-dates-no-2nd-got-another.1548700 https://theredarchive.com/post/1548700

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