Introducing our first post for the Surrendered Single Summer Book Club!

Today we’ll be discussing topics in the Intro to Chapter 3. The theme as I see it of these first few chapters is on how to change your mindset:

Chapter 1: Acknowledge your desire to be happily married

Chapter 2: Give up the idea of the perfect man

Chapter 3: Stop male bashing and start admiring men

You may struggle with one or all of these areas depending on where you are in your journey. What I want to talk about in this discussion thread is the idea of acknowledging your desire to be married. In this modern "feminism" dominated world, it is common to hear women declaring they don’t need a man, boss babing it up, downtalking marriage, or simply lying to themselves that they do not want it. If I see another instagram post of divorced or single women talking about how they are happier than their married counterparts or how husbands make wives miserable, I will throw up (and yes, I am myself an unmarried woman in my 40s). Simply put, we are being gaslit.

Start your surrendered single process by telling yourself that MARRIAGE IS GOOD - IT IS GOOD TO WANT TO BE MARRIED. In fact, it's great and an admirable quality in you. If you are religious, your religious texts will likely help you identify why marriage is good and recommended. If you are not religious, think about the benefits you see in marriage. How would it add to your life? Either way, keep telling yourself it is good that I want to be married, I should not be ashamed of that, it does not make me weak or less independent or capable as a person or whatever other harmful messages have been put into our heads.

If you want to be married, you need to acknowledge that you want to be married both to yourself and others. You may think you have already done this but then find yourself playing it cool on dates, downplaying what you are looking for in fear of scaring him off. The point here is not to hit men over the head with marriage talk, and later chapters will discuss more how to practically discuss this on dates, but for now, practice acknowledging to YOURSELF, your FRIENDS, and FAMILY that you want to be married. Practice saying it to yourself. Practice saying to friends “I would love to be married someday.” However refrain from then launching into the checklist of the billion things you want (as stated in Chapter 2: give up the idea of the perfect man), but instead just picture a regular happy mundane day in married life with a normal man. Imagine yourself on a date when a guy asks you what you are looking for, telling him confidentially “I am more traditional and am looking for the family life” (or however you feel comfortable saying it). Not only will this practice and visualization stop you from gaslighting yourself about how you truly feel about marriage but it will also put the message out to others that you are looking. I do believe the energy and intention we put out into the world comes back to us.

Discussion: How does it feel when you practice this? Do you feel vulnerable? Have you done this before and what was the experience? What have you done to overcome the independent woman who doesn’t need no man mentality? Discuss below.

*As an offside, u/roxelay posted the quiz from the book “Are you attracting the man who’s right for you” in this post as well as the scoring. Feel free to take it and share any insights you may have gained (thanks rox) -