Hey folks,

I’m using a throwaway account for obvious reasons.

I’ve been with my wife for 9 years now. I met her at a time when she was between careers. She had just completed a master’s degree in her field but decided to leave it behind to find a new career path.

At that time, I received a job offer to move overseas and accepted it. We got married and moved.

During the first 3 and a half years, she took her time to learn the language of the country we were in (with some degree of success), tried to get involved in some NGOs (with limited success), worked at a coffee shop for 2 months, and later tried to start a business (again, with limited success).

We then moved to a different country, hoping it would be easier for us to integrate into the culture and for her to build a career.

In the past 4 years, she got involved with local NGOs again (with some success) and decided to pursue a career. She enrolled in a 3-year paid distance learning course from our home country. She knew that this certificate wouldn’t be accepted in the country we live in, but she decided to do it anyway because she wasn’t comfortable taking local courses in English or the local language. She does some pro-bono work for NGOs, but has had no stable income whatsoever in the past 9 years.

I had been working continuously from the day we moved until last year, when I experienced burnout. I managed to reach an agreement and received a severance package. I really wanted to save that money. I also received some unemployment insurance from the government, but it didn’t cover all our expenses (not even the rent), so we had to start using money from our savings account. I ended up replacing one kind of stress with another.

I was hoping she would step in and find something to cover the remaining costs while I healed and took some time for myself—for the first time in almost 12 years. That didn’t happen. After a few months, I went back to work even though I wasn’t fully healed. She seems to only apply to “dream jobs.” I don’t love my job either, but I do it every day because we need the income.

Also, being the sole income earner is incredibly stressful. I’m one layoff away from a nightmare, and I don’t feel I can count on her.

She is a wonderful human being, truly—but this whole situation has made me distance myself from her. I feel like I have a dependent. I’ve stopped seeing her as a wife or life partner.

We’ve talked about this situation a couple of times, but not much has changed over the years. I’m so tired that I don’t think I have the energy to keep going and trying. We talked about buying an apartment, but to me, it sounded like, “I am buying an apartment, I will be the one paying for it and taking on all the risks that come with it.”

It’s really sad, but I think it’s time for both of us to take different paths. I don't have the energy to keep trying anymore.