Last year, I ended my only serious relationship so I could focus on my recovery from sex/porn addiction. It’s been tough — part of me still wants to go back to my ex, since she was my only real “success” in dating, and accepting that it’s over has been hard.

As an addict, and someone who’s already had very little success in dating and often feels unattractive, the idea of starting over is daunting. I’m in my early 30s, brown, in a very tech-heavy area, and I don’t have many female friends or natural social circles where dating just happens. Apps haven’t worked well for me either.

For people who’ve been in a similar place — how did you rebuild your confidence and start meeting women in real life again? If you can, share specific things you did that actually worked, not just “be confident” or “go to the gym.”