My entire life has been geared towards making money, providing, protecting, etc. It was literally my purpose. After a shitstorm of relationship trauma, I have decided to divorce my wife. We’ve been together a total of 15 years, dating since 16. I realized I couldn’t have kids in that relationship. I wanted them. She wanted them. I needed to rip the bandaid off for both of us.

I’m realizing now that it’s not as simple as rinse-repeat find a better partner, have kids, etc. If I’m not happy on my own, how can I bring kids into the world? What kind of weak father would I be?

But what if I’m just fundamentally not someone who will be happy on his own? Providing has been my sole source of value and fulfillment, for my entire life. Im just supposed to be ok with having no purpose? Just floating out here and banging a bunch of women? Going home and being alone? To what end? What’s the point?

I have money, health, attractiveness. It’s easy for me to get with women. But it seems so superficial. So pointless. So empty. Life without a mission does not seem worthwhile to me. I feel like I’m just living so that my residual family is not burdened by my loss.

I’ve climbed my career ladder. Made my money. Achieved everything I ever wanted to. Other than being a dad. But I’m not sure I’m fit to bring children into the world anymore. I’m not sure what is left for me other than the pain of guilt and abandonment.