Honestly, today’s been such a shit day. Life already feels hard enough and being separated from my wife (38F) for eight months has just added another layer of pain. I’m the one who asked for the separation (39M), but that doesn’t make it any easier to live with.

I asked for it because I was sick of the abuse. Sick of the name-calling. Sick of the body-shaming. Sick of the false accusations of cheating. Sick of all the projected insecurities because she’s unhappy with herself. Sick of hearing my parents get made fun of just because they’re successful. I’ve told her over and over I hate when people project what I’m supposedly thinking, and yet today I’m told I’m egotistical and that one day I’ll have a “humbling experience.” As if separating from my wife and blowing up my family hasn’t already been humbling enough.

I didn’t separate just for me. I separated because I don’t want my kids growing up in a home where no one feels valued. I don’t want them thinking it’s normal to just accept a miserable life where someone shits on you every day. When they’re with me, they’re happy. I try to make things fun, I listen to them, I make sure they feel heard and seen. When they’re not with me, they’re upset. And of course that leaves me upset too.

Here’s what’s killing me: is staying separated actually better for the kids? Because right now, it feels like a failed experiment. Some days I don’t know how long I can keep doing this. But the alternative—going back—feels worse. Like it would be teaching them that you can’t make it on your own, that you just have to give in and accept being treated like shit.

And I don’t want them to learn that. But at the same time, I don’t know how many more guilt trips I can take.

TL;DR: I (39M) separated from my wife (38F) 8 months ago because of abuse, but now I’m questioning if separation is really better for the kids. Staying apart feels like I’m failing them, but going back feels like teaching them to accept misery.