My boyfriend (30M) and I (28F) have been together for a year and a half. I’m looking for some perspective on whether I’m handling things well and how I can improve myself in our relationship. I’ll try to be as objective as possible.

Lately, I’ve been very emotional with him in a few situations regarding: - His forgetfulness and disorganization. This is a recurring issue, and it affects me a lot. For example, after not seeing each other for a couple of weeks, I was waiting for him to meet me. But because he didn’t manage his plans well around a bachelor party, he canceled on Friday and then left me waiting until midnight on Saturday. We did talk about it, and he understood my point of view. - My birthday trip. He "planned" and paid for a weekend trip for my birthday, which I really appreciated. But on the actual day, he hadn’t made any reservations, so we missed out on everything we had discussed, including dinner. I ended up very emotional and crying (which isn’t typical for me, but it’s becoming a pattern). I think part of my hurt came from the fact that I had spent a lot of time organizing a thoughtful 30th birthday party for him in advance. He admitted responsibility for messing up my birthday, but I’m still sad about it.

Both times, he agreed I was right to feel disappointed. I apologized for being overly emotional, and he reassured me that it was okay. After my birthday, I told him I needed to think about things because it sometimes feels like he doesn’t care, which really seemed to hurt him when I said that 1) I thought he didn't care 2) I needed to think the relationship over. I clarified that "he knows how I feel" (I love him), and said I know how he feels too. Still, on the last day of the trip he seemed distant, which triggered my anxiety, though I didn’t push. We ended the trip by thanking each other for the time together.

About me: • Fit and attractive (he’s very attracted to me), though I’m insecure • Smart, which he appreciates • Usually calm and patient • Very affectionate and sweet • Sex life is great for both of us • Kind, caring, and thoughtful • Love cooking and keeping a clean home • My love language is physical touch and quality time • High earner with a flexible job (which he appreciates, since he’s similar)

About him: • Tall and attractive, though not big on personal care • Very smart and hard-working • Owns a company and has a demanding career (works all the time) • Owns a home with land in his country • We share values and compatible life goals • Pays for almost everything, including trips • Gentlemanly and traditional in a way I love • Handy around the house • Some vices: regular weed use and frequent drinking (beer, most days). I don’t approve, and it’s been a concern for me. • Not very communicative or emotionally open • His love language is acts of service • Calm, never angry or loud • Trying to improve his health, though struggles with time, eating well, and the above vices

He has asked me a few times about moving in together next year, partly so we can spend more time together (long story short we’ve been LD, but he’s moving to my city). I said no, explaining I want to maintain some independence. What I didn’t say is that I’d only want to live together if we were engaged. I think I explained myself poorly — I mentioned breakups and things getting uncomfortable, which he interpreted as me “hedging my bets,” but that wasn’t what I meant. He reassured me it wasn’t a dealbreaker and that he wants to live with me “for a long time,” whenever that happens. Another time, when someone asked if we live together, I said “no,” and he said “not yet.”

Now I feel anxious, like I’m creating problems and making him feel like he’s not enough, even though he agrees that my standards are fair and that I deserve it. I am very grateful for all he does for me. I know I struggle with communication (giving him the cold shoulder which he has pointed out), and I also still feel some resentment from early in our relationship when we were long-distance and I felt the lack of quality time and communication (although he would travel 6 hours each way about once a month to see me). I also struggle with being insecure, especially if I caught him looking at another girl (he doesn't linger that much and I've never said anything to him, but he can tell something is wrong).

Any advice is welcomed, or any clarification I can give. Be as honest as you'd like.

My goal is marriage and a family with him.