Wife of 15 years announced she wanted to divorce me 2 months ago. Said it was short term / spontaneous, but later found she had been debating it with a mutual friend for a long time. Feel like such a cliche - oblivious husband. No one else involved / nothing nasty on surface. Just unresolved arguments. I always took on a lot of the blame for my conflict avoidance - I should’ve been braver in speaking up and expressing feelings. I’ve learned. However, no accountability from my other half - pathological need for control - related to traumatic upbringing. Benefit of this separation has made me realise that I had been made into the villain in the marriage, and I am now able to step back and be kinder to myself, and self esteem has started recovering.

Feel like I’ve been playing catch up - she’s known for a while, and has clearly lined up her ducks in a row, and I have only just settled after the shock and emotional rollercoaster.

However I left our house immediately after to give us space, to a friend’s spare room. She then moved her family member in. I have effectively been barred from my own home, and reasonable access to my kids. I have been told I am not welcome, and anytime I see either of them they are openly hostile.

I said clearly that I wanted to go back in the house to create a workable arrangement with the kids. However she has refused, citing my abusive nature (verbally) and that I would have an impact on the welfare of the kids. This is a completely untrue posture - I am a decent, working man, excellent father and role model in wider community.

I have not as yet spoken to my own lawyer (this week). What are my options?