Lost

nonotmeporfavor · 2025-10-03T18:13:40+00:00

Sit with it brother. Thats all we can do.

The more we try to control it the more it has control over us. We can’t think our way out of this. We can only go through it and understand it’s not happening to us. It’s happening regardless of us. Which means we are giving it meaning.

I say this with the utmost respect, because I’m in your shoes. It seems so obvious, yet so emotionally entangled.

This is the best analogy I can visualize for myself and I hope it helps you.

It’s like going to a park, sitting and watching the ducks in the water. A dog jumps in to chase or try to catch the ducks. The dog manages to almost capture a duck. The duck is visibly upset and scared, the dog is visibly happy and a bit disappointed. They both go about their day and the duck swims off, the dog shakes the water off its back and plays fetch with its owner.

We all saw it, the dog was an asshole, the duck almost got killed and it was a nail biter for us as we watched.

As much as this wasn’t fair to the duck, it moved on, and went deeper in the water and found its friends to swim with.

This is our journey, it seems traumatic, but it’s that way because we give it that meaning. The duck was happy to get away and move on. The dog was happy to jump in the water and attempt to catch the dog. It happened and we realized that that’s life.

In a way, divorce and any other “traumatic” situation can be the same.

What I believe keeps me and others in the place we sometimes are in, is the inability to let it go. To realize the idea that we could have controlled the outcome. We can’t and that’s a hard truth to accept. We can only control the story we tell ourselves and the idea that what happened is a reflection of who we are. What’s a reflection of who we are is how we transmute the trauma.

I hope this helps.

No_Information_910 · 2025-10-03T10:58:04+00:00

Man, that's a dark spot. It was difficult for me, and my ex didn't cheat on me (that I know of).

What worked for me was to get out to get people around. Even a crowded gym worked, although I didn't speak to anyone. If you can, spend time with friends. I would invite mine with kids over. Sometimes meet up when my kid was not with me, just to talk and spend time. Staying by myself was killing me - being alone with my thoughts, ruminating.

Oh, and consider a therapist. But a good one.

Find a hobby (that I didn't do) maybe? Preferably one where you can meet new people. Focus on yourself, that's what you can do. But overall it takes time and after 3+ years I still get emotional hiccups.

Stay well!

upvotersfortruth · 2025-10-03T07:23:20+00:00

That’s a lot to handle. The LinkedIn profile view shit nearly triggered me second hand.

Title	Lost
Author	Suitable-Relief-2436
Upvotes	12
Comments	4
Date	October 3, 2025 6:05 AM UTC (10 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1nwr97l/lost/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/lost.1563338 https://theredarchive.com/post/1563338

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