I (22F) have this relatively new close friend (35M) who is currently going through a divorce. I want to start off by saying the divorce started before we ever met and has nothing to do with me at all. We met through work and originally started talking via text. Initially, we would just talk about work related things (I think his section of work is very interesting and I am required to know a lot about it due to the nature of my work). Eventually we moved onto texting very frequently with each other about anything. I’m talking in the span of a month we went from complete strangers to texting pretty much all day/night, or if I was actually at work we would hang out all day. We have both told each other things that we wouldn’t normally share with anyone and we’ve both expressed that it is really nice to finally have someone we could say anything to.

Just to be 100% clear on three things:

  1. ⁠I do not want a relationship with this man and he does not want one with me (we actually had an in person conversation about these boundaries, neither of us is in a place for this right now).
  2. ⁠He has not told me the official reason for the divorce, he’s only mentioned that he feels betrayed and seems to get very angry on occasion and will tell me he is angry (so I have a guess but I don’t want to assume something and be wrong).
  3. ⁠This man is not a harm to himself or others and is mentally sound aside from all the emotions that come with the divorce (we have to be for work).

More context: I am young, I’ve never been through a divorce with kids involved, I’ve never had my heart broken like that to the point where I hate everyone around me, but I want to be there for him in any way I can. I don’t know what to tell him to make him feel better, even if it’s just a little bit. He seems to be happy talking to me and I make him laugh or have a good time. But, every so often, he will message me saying that he is angry (not at me but the world) or he will straight up ask me to distract him (which we joke that I’m great at because I know a ton of random facts and topics and we can talk about those for hours). I would even be happy just being a distraction for him so he doesn’t have to think about it but I don’t know if that is enough.

I also don’t want to pry into his life but I feel like if I knew a little bit more I could maybe say or do something for him that would make life better for him, even if it was just for a moment.

Lastly, before I finally get to my questions, while I’ve only known him for a short time I can confidently say he’s not abusing my kindness or trying to bait me into getting with him. I have shared things about myself in person that made that very clear. He was horrified by what I had to say (not in a performative way). He looks out for me more like an older brother. I am a little naive and can easily get taken advantage of at work, but he will usually step up and tell me that I am. Rather than him solving the problem for me he will usually talk me through it and then give me the confidence to solve the problem on my own. The only time he ever did something directly was when someone spread a rumor about me that was absolutely wretched and they tried to get him in on it. At that point he got mad and shut the whole thing down. All of this to say, he is trustworthy and a good man.

Ultimately my questions are:

How do I provide comfort for this man that doesn’t cross any pre-established boundaries?

What should I say the next time he gets down on himself or the world, if there is anything I can say that he would appreciate?

How do I emphasize with someone going through something I can’t even imagine?

What would a good friend say?