Sorry, hard to type with tears.

Please let me boo hoo myself because I have no one.

I took the coldest loss as a 35M. I looked at my wife's 34F phone and the rest is history. I lost her mind, body, soul. I found out a week before our 2 year anniversary. Together for 12 years married almost 2 years. 2 kids. 4 and 7.

Barely a month into separation. Back at my parents. The kids are with her, amicably. As I'm slowly unpacking my stuff and getting used to being under my parents roof. It's awful.

My work was close to where to used to stay with her and the kids. Now it's almost 3 times the distance and I'm slowly draining my account for gas. Desperately looking for closer employment.

Divorce will happen but that's not the point of this rant right now.

I've been driving non stop between my 2 jobs, my parents and my kids. Almost 180 miles daily. I work 12hr graveyard shifts (3 shifts) plus a regular 8 hr (2 shifts) on weekends. Sometimes I sleep at my work secretly during closing hours because I open the clinic the morning.

I know I need to slow down, focus on myself, not myself so goddamn avaliable. The sacrifice I'm having a hard time making is not seeing the kids as much. They're up there with her. I might have to not see the kids as much in order to fix myself. All the kids school curriculum is over back at the STBXW place. Their life is up there and so was mines....

As of now, I'm at her place, she's at work, I'm there for both of my kids. Spending as much time, providing as much for them for breakfast, lunch, dinner, etc. I've been sorta okay on day 30 but today I picked up a package outside and I guess I'm being sensitive to the small things and I read her name out loud with my last name and broke down. Small shit like that just took me out. I used to wait for her to come back before going to work my night shift but I think I'm gonna leave before she comes back and make sure the kids are with their grandparents. I need to detach from her.