Wife left me a month ago, we have one 5 year old and have been married 16 months but together for 9 years. We met during freshman year of college and it’s been a wild but loving relationship the whole time, we’re both 27. We’ve remained somewhat close due to there being no tangible trauma that caused the separation, more of a “we’ve had problems for a while and I need more emotional support from my husband” type of thing that seems to be a pretty common theme in the sub.

I was staying on a friend’s couch for a couple weeks until I found my own place, and just moved in this week. I was laid off from work 48 hours after I left the house due to the government shutdown so I don’t have anything to really fill my days. It’s been nice having my own place but it’s also easy to get caught up in your head being alone all the time. We split custody 50/50, so I have my son around half the week which helps.

Everything has moved so fast, it feels like just last month we were sleeping in the same bed and laughing together like the whole world was ahead of us. Now all accounts are separated, divorce filed, she took off her ring, and has been spending a lot of time with her friends.

She has no intentions of trying again or trying to fix us. I (regretfully) begged her to give me another chance to be the man she needs and was shot down. I see her often (due to 50/50 custody) during drop offs and when I need to move stuff out of the house, which makes it even harder.

Our 9th anniversary is tomorrow and it breaks my heart. I understand why we are in this situation, and I really wish I could go back and make it right. We’ve spent the most formative years of our lives together and I don’t want to move on, I just want my wife back.

I’ve watched her grow and improve in just the one month we’ve been apart, and I’m proud of her. It’s just really hard to get the “if I focus on myself maybe we will work out” out of my head, because it’s clearly not what she wants.

My head is a lot less erratic than it was initially, and I went through emotions I didn’t even know I could feel. But the pain of being alone and losing the one person that truly understands every part of me is eating me alive day by day.