I'm fudging dates/ages a bit but its close enough:
I'm the man, we met very young, her 19, me 24. I was never a good partner. I was never present. I was very stingy with my time and energy. From everything from the everyday to trips, to planning, to the mental load, to chores, to sex, all of it. I had things stacked against me I didn't realize but its not an excuse, I still made the choices I made. She was very direct, very clear all along what she needed and I could never maintain it. We're talking very basic, hang out, plan a few dates, just be present. Every milestone she expected me to step up and I didn't. She wouldn't give me my 1001 chance and I can't blame her. I accept I caused this. To say I see the light is an understatement. I've done a complete 180. I'm healthy again, I'm social again, I'm engaged and present in my life, I've become an awesome Dad. I can hear every thing she asked me to do and I'm doing it. I'm a better person because of this divorced. Even if she had given me my 1001th chance, I wouldn't be here, not this far. I never wanted to divorce, I wanted to fix it. I wanted to do counseling, anything, it was just too late. I had missed all the chances. She had asked me to do counseling prior and I made a joke out of it. I would of never woke up but now I see.

We co-parented well and its 50/50 custody. It was 100% business with some snide/back handed comments along he way but all in all, it was good. We both met people that encouraged us to be nicer, so we started talking more at in person events. We of course get along well, we always did.

I met someone really great and when it was time, introduced my kid. My kid is very open as we like that, so he tells us everything. He told her all the stuff we were doing together, the new GF and the kid, all the things I would never do with her. All the time and presence I would never give her. My EX explored women and was dating one, who also did the same, encouraged her and I to be kinder and talk more for the kids sake. This was new for her. I kept seeing my GF and my son together, me doing all the things I never would and it ruined it for me. It wasn't my EX. I kept asking "Why am I doing this for someone else??". My GF was great with him but it wasn't his mom, it wasn't my "wife".

Our partners encouraging us to talk led to us becoming closer. She asked me if I wanted to chat, I assumed she wanted closure as we never had a real conversation, I just moved out. She told me she wasn't sure if she was jealous or resentful or both that I was now doing and being what I should of been all along, for her and me. I told her the truth, that I was extremely remorseful, I'll regret it every day for the rest of my life. That I was deeply sorry. I realized I had to tell her I still loved her, that I still feel connected to her. This was selfish of me looking back, that wasn't what she was looking for. She was shocked. We talked about what it would look like, kid would be WAAAY down the road, friends WAAAYY down the road, it would just be low key her and I and see how it felt. We agreed to try to date. The first thing she told me is she was scared. She said she wanted to go slow. I broke up with GF because conversations I was having with my EX was cheating and that's not me. So I'm fresh out of a relationship, she's fresh out, and we're dating with all this baggage. She has a lot to loose, I can see that. She's rebuilt her life, with the 50/50 custody she's enjoying her kid free weeks, she's exploring her sexuality, she has her own place and career. She's thriving by all accounts. I represent nothing casual. We can't casually date, its very high stakes all around. Emotionally, physically and most important, for the kid. This is also a huge part of it, but one I understand.

When we started dating, I went too hard too fast. I pushed physical beyond what she was comfortable with. She let me hold hands and I turned that into arm rubs. She said I could put my arm around her and that turned into a back rub. I escalated these within a week. We restarted the physical twice. This overstep beyond the boundary caused her to physically recoil. Her nervous system was still feeling trauma. I did too much future talk, tried to hang to much, told my feelings too much. If this was someone new, there is no way i would do any of this lol It felt to me like a "Let me show how I should of been all along". The problem was, it was like 100% energy out of the gate. I was planning dates, bringing flowers, making dinner. All the stuff I should of been doing but wasn't. It was just too much.

She told me she just wanted to be friends and it crushed me, again. She said that after 8 weeks she expected to have some sort of romantic feelings towards me and doesn't. It felt like I lost ger again. I had just got to see her light and feel her energy again and I lost it. That was about 7 weeks ago. Since then, she was actually warming up once I slowed down, I could see her coming out more. She was initiating more hang outs, longer hugs, future talk, it actually felt great. I stopped all physical momentum and scaled flirting way back, and I saw this positive change in her. When were on, even after the friends talk, there is future "us" and "we" from her. There is sexual jokes, nostalgia but were at a joking phase of the bad if it comes up at all, lots of good nostalgia every time. We talk about the new memories we've created together since "dating". It was going well but I tried to overcorrect and I pulled back too far. The EX and I texted 100+ times a day for months and I stopped volleying as much. My hope would she would try to chase me, just a little. It didn't work and it really moved everything backwards. She stopped doing 1 on 1 hangouts after kid events, cutting short any 1 on 1 time that would naturally happen etc. The future talk is limited to coming weeks, not actually future. I'm realizing she likes the constant connection with me and I need to foster that.

Since then I've tried to bring back 1 on 1 hang outs, with success. We've done 2 lunches, and we have a dinner and playing pool night planned for next week. This seems like good positive forward energy. I recently found out through my kid that they stayed the night at her EX's place recently. She had told me they were done and was specifically not doing that with the kid to not send mixed signals. This is coming like a huge setback.

I'm just trying to show up, be my best self and show my progress through consistency and action. I'm showing her my best self but at the end of the day, I want nothing more than to have my family back. I know it won't be what we had before, it would be something new but I'm really trying.

I'm putting this out there for any guidance or wisdom.

Update: She keeps saying yes to things that are clearly dates. I kind of just piled a bunch on to see what would happen and she said yes to all 3 things and only adjusted 1.