Hello gentlemen, I am hoping that you may be able to provide some feedback/reassurance on any of the items on this thread, or just give me the straight-up truth if it’s not going to be pretty.  I live in an “equitable division” state in the Northeast.  I had contemplated sticking out my marriage for 5 more years until my 2nd child is in college, but I’m not sure I can do it much longer. There’s been no trauma or infidelity in the marriage, but we’ve basically become roommates trying to raise good kids, and it’s starting to break my spirit at this point.  (But I have been unhappy for a number of years).  We have a teen and a pre-teen.  Will provide a few financials first.  Sorry if I am giving too much info:

Me (55), wife (52)

Equity in home: 550K, 3.25% rate on 30-yr mortgage.

Salary: $125k / wife 100k (She is a teacher and will start receiving a pension in about 7 years).

My 401a/403b: $400K

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3 following accounts are all in my name only:

1st brokerage (father-in law manages, longer story): 325K (initial investment 270k 3 years ago).  He is a CPA.

2nd brokerage (I manage with Fidelity): 540K

 Stretch annuity: 252K

 -Cars are paid off, no real debt, and we have savings to manage month-to-month basically.

 All of the above 3 accounts are the result of inheritance from my late Father’s and Aunt’s estates.  I at least have it “on record” as a note-to-file with 2 of the companies that the accounts are solely funded by deposits made as a result of inheritance from my side of the family.  I live in an “equitable distribution” State…so not necessary a 50/50 split, but maybe something like that. I understandably do not think my spouse is entitled to a 50/50 split in the investment accounts. She has had nothing to do with their funding nor their management.  She basically pays some bills and spends our money.

 I would think one of us would stay in the current home since my kids are settled in their schools and activities, etc.  So this would involve some sort of “buyout” on the house for one of the parties I would think.
If one of us leaves, average rent on a 2-BR in my HCOL area is about $3,000 when you figure in utilities, groceries, etc. Since our salaries are fairly comparable, I’m not sure how much child support I would have to pay – I know this is based on the custody split and some other factors.  I want what’s fair for everyone; my wife might go for the more barracuda-type divorce firm…I am not sure. She can be combative and she is the product of multiple divorces between her parents, who knows.  But I will get a lawyer that’s well-schooled in division of assets and what can and can’t be negotiated.

So with these factors in mind, I was hoping for viewpoints on any/all of the following:

 -If the accounts have to be liquidated and split, is it possible for me to keep the Fidelity one in place?  If has done better than the one my Father in Law manages, and I would rather not sell off stocks like ASTS which have profited me (on paper) greatly.  Is this negotiable?

 -Advantage or disadvantage or retaining the home?  I have no particular tie to it so I am fine either way.  Again I do want the kids to have some continuity in their lives as this would be tough on them. I know a new mortgage would have to be negotiated by the new, sole owner after the other party is bought out. My wife would be in better position to do so as her wealthy father would probably help with any additional cash to be put down on a new mortgage.  I can’t really see both of us moving out and starting anew with new residences as a result of split equity, but who knows…

 -I have more $$ on paper now in terms of retirement accounts, etc..but my wife is going to be pretty set in about 7 years when she starts to collect a pension.  How is this factored in to the overall division of assets and child/spousal support, etc?  If I stayed in the marriage we would be pretty all set at retirement years, but if I leave my financial future would be somewhat of a question mark (and imagine I had hoped to retire in 5 years : )

 -Kids eventual college tuition.  We have admittedly done a shitty job saving for this and both only have about $12K sitting in each of their respective college accounts. So for all intents-and-purposes, one of the brokerage accounts is serving as their college fund, and I have tried very hard with the one I manage to grow them.  My father-in-law started the college accounts and my wife is on them as well as an acct. owner.  I have asked him a few times to put me on the account as well but he has not. I don’t think this is necessarily nefarious, but probably moreso the product of forgetfulness.  I took the $30K I was going to contribute to that acct. and instead put it in a HYSA for them.  There was no damn way I was going to add funds to a college acct. when I was not even named as an account holder.  My understanding in a divorce is that both parents are 50% responsible in at least paying the average cost of a State college tuition.

So with all of these factors in mind, I am just trying to figure out if I could survive a divorce without being buried financially. The kids will be supported and I am confident we will both do that for them.  But I do see that my wife might try to “double-dip” on things like college tuition, etc. 

I am going to speak with a lawyer in probably a paid consultation, but I wanted to make sure I am bringing in all considerations.  In advance of that, I would greatly appreciate others’ views on these items if you have been through it.  I can answer any additional ??’s and again I appreciate your advice and feedback. Thanks.