Been married 23 years. I love my wife, very dearly, but there have definitely been issues. I am trying to understand my contribution to those issues, and I have found some answers. We separated almost a week ago. I moved out. I had to go to work out of state for almost two weeks now, so that is really painful but allows me to throw myself into work at least. I miss hanging out with my daughter, and I do miss my wife.

In discussions where I felt that my voice wasn't being heard, I would get angry and hurt and I would shout. I own that, it's something from my childhood and how my Dad used to shout at my mother. I am starting therapy next week to manage this, whatever happens I need to learn to control this for any chance of reconciliation or into my future.

Second issue: I did something that I thought was quite normal after a fight. The next day I would want to discuss the problem, but it would end in another fight. It occurred to me, now that I have time to think, and with help from my son, that I didn't think about my wife in this. She may not be ready. She may have other reasons for not wanting to discuss it at that time, and I would push to get clarity of what I had done wrong, and that would lead to another argument. This, is where I think bad went worse.

I won't speak bad about my wife, so please don't ask.

What I am struggling with is when should I reach out now? Do I wait until she is ready to come to me? I truly fear that the longer I leave it, the more difficult it may be to come back. Then again, maybe having that distance will give us both time to process all our feelings. But then, who moves first? I don't know what to do, I know I am hurting badly. I know I have done her wrong. I wish I had really listened in the past rather than dismissing our problems. Maybe it's too late, maybe not. All I know is that waiting to find out is leaving me heartbroken.