So, once you get good at starting conversations with strangers, then what's the next step? Make the conversation about them.

If you don't make the conversation about them, they're going to assume you're just being friendly. You need to show actual interest in them. This is how you actually connect and it's the material that you use later in order to qualify them.

You can open with anything. Talk about the weather. Once they're hooked, then transition into this person in the weather. Have they felt stuck inside during the winter, do they feel free now, what are they going to do with their freedom, etc. You'd be surprised. You can throw in little flirty teases there in order to start escalating things and bring in a playful vibe.

Girl was saying yeah it's hot out, she's sweating. Alright, you don't have to exercise later then. She doesn't exercise. Lazy girl, alright, what do you do for fun instead, etc.

Another example was actually with a guy but the same principle applies: when we were talking about really abstract philosophical things, then compliment how he thinks and then move it more to how these things relate to him and his daily life and keep pressing in that direction. This makes it clear we're not just having an academic discussion. I'm interested in who he is.

Yet another example is with a girl who posted an icebreaker snap about whether it's more expensive to be a man or woman, then we moved to the who lies more men or women thing and really got into detail in that but then I move it more and more personal to her, like about her wearing make-up, how she feels about that, the white lies she tells and so on... then tease her quite a bit about these things as we continue down this path to it being more and more about her. I'm actually getting to know her.

While you're learning about them, share a little about yourself too, not too much though. Keep it mostly about them unless they show a lot of interest for you. Don't hide yourself, but don't overshare. Unless they're asking a lot of questions, then keep the focus on them.

This entire phase allows you to later use this information in deciding whether you want to go forward with this person and if you do why. You want to tell them those reasons why before you actually ask them out on a date. It helps them justify to themselves going out with you. "...and he actually likes me," she's going to say to her friend later.

Overall, my basic structure (which I've cobbled together from our forefathers is)

  1. Open
  2. Transition:Hook
  3. Connection:Vibe
  4. Qualification/Evaluation:Screen
  5. Close

What I'm talking about above belongs in the Connection or Vibe phase. Obviously real life is not structured like this but it is a good idea to understand what you're actually doing. You want to start a conversation, get to know them, if they're you're thing then let them know that they are and why and set up a date all the while escalating from the approach, to conversation, to flirting and eventually touching. Don't over-complicate things, guys. I repeat:

  1. Approach
  2. Converse
  3. Flirt
  4. Touch

I find knowing this helps me with the "I don't know what to say thing" too. When that happens, then at least you know what kind of thing you should be saying. Bring up a new topic, then make it about them. Rinse and repeat.