I apologize for not giving extensive details, but I’ll give you the main points.

We’ve been together for 20 years and married for 15, with two grade school aged children. After over 12 years of a rocky marriage, poor communication, a lack of shared interests, and a life threatening illness last year that left us financially devastated, we finally realized that we deserved better than our current situation and we both agreed to give it another shot.

Am I just putting a band aid on the problem until it gets worse again? Neither of us is perfect, and we’re both responsible for many of the issues in our relationship. Last year, we were forced to confront our problems head on and lay them out for each other to see. We worked through them because we didn’t want to face the prospect of dying or being widowed with a lot of marital baggage. We managed to resolve our issues, and it was a positive experience. I survived, and after several months, we returned home to heal both physically and emotionally from our experience.

Fast forward to ten months later, and things are mostly back to where we were, except that we now understand the underlying reasons for our problems. These are fundamental issues, like differing beliefs, personality traits, and unresolved past issues that I thought we had overcome and so on.

Tonight, she asked me, knowing her preferences, what fantasy I have that we could play out together. She found my idea idea intriguing and suggested that I should plan it out. Out of curiosity, I asked the same question, and she replied that she doesn’t ever fantasize about me. This unexpected response left me feeling hurt and confused. I redirected the conversation to a different topic to avoid further discomfort.

I’m struggling with the decision of whether to continue giving it another chance or to end the relationship. I love her deeply and can’t express my feelings enough.

So, is “giving it another chance” just a way for me to avoid facing the truth about what I really need to do?