This has been building in me, I think, for years. I know I have felt she doesn't give me the respect I have deserved for years...but since joining this sub and reflecting I think it came to a head tonight. She is a good mom, and overall a good person. I actually consider her a good wife as well...specifically to attending to our home, the kids, decorating, etc... She has made some dumb decisions in recent years which I have somewhat elaborated in other places, but tl;dr (over drinking, lack of sex / desire / initiation, etc.) but the lightbulb went off today that she has subtely been comparing me to other men for a good chunk of our marriage. Nothing blunt or straight forward...but subtle comments regarding a few mutual guy friends, her father, etc.. and I guess I made the connection that some of my beta traits (which are completely my fault in hindsight) probably led her to those feelings. I am good at what I do, but I am not a mechanic. I don't build decks, I am not a wine connoisseur (not much of a drinker to begin with) but over time I feel like I have been compared to these various people in our life. I was flustered when I got home today, and she noticed..she kept pressing so I just laid it on her. I laid out how I have felt disrespected for a very long time, like my opinion has no value or matters. I do so much for our family (sole income provider, long hours, 2 jobs) yet I feel compared to these other people that for some reason in her mind seem to have higher stature. I told her I am tired of her viewing me as a 'boy' (she has never said this, I have interpreted the lack of disrespect, looking at me as a man, etc...) as opposed to a man who loves his spouse and takes care of our family. That she can run me down just because she is angry. That we can be out at a party, club, etc... and despite me asking her to not drink, she will anyways..and then some always ending the same. That is a clear violation of disrespect in my book..when your spouse raises a concern, and you essentially get a giant middle finger about it. And then there are some shady decisions on her part that I can't get into, but clear violation of trust. I kept using the word 'disrespect', 'boy vs man', etc.. but held my ground in terms of what I deserved and what I have received. I said she never shows desire to me because she doesn't view me as a man, but as a boy. She has done all the 50 shades of grey books, etc..., but all I know is..a man takes care of his business. He takes care of the important things in his life. There is no one definition of a man, a role, a job, a style of dress, a look, etc....

She had nothing to say, and has been pissed all night. So no clue what is going to happen, but I had to say it.

I don't know if TRP suggests me doing all of that without words, but just actions..but I had to say it. This isn't a fling or short term deal...this is a long marriage.

I feel good I did what i did..but very concerned for the upcoming potential fireworks. Send positive feels ;) haha