What characteristics would I need to have in order to attract a PROVIDER?

chamomilecloud · 2026-06-29T04:27:58+00:00

I think, for me, a lot of it has to do with the demographic I was looking in. If you want a man who provides, he needs to have the capability of, well, providing. I have a 6-figure income, and I dated in my social circles, so most of the men I was meeting also made good money.

However, I also work in a professional creative field. Prior to this, I worked in luxury retail, so I always looked groomed, polished, and I have a very feminine sense of personal style. I do “look” high maintenance, though I would never ask a man to cover this for me… it’s just that I make it obvious what kind of woman I am. If he’s not into that, we part ways, no hard feelings.

I vetted fairly hard for courtship too. Like I looked for men who offered to pay for the date (even if split a date, I looked for a man who offered to begin with); chivalry such as opening car doors, walking on the street side of the sidewalk, protectiveness, etc. As with the above, if he didn’t seem into that, then I knew he wasn’t for me. We part ways, no hard feelings.

To be clear, my fiancé does admire my personal and professional ambitions and dreams. Those are also important to me. But I also don’t lead with those things either. He is happy to support me in all that I choose — whether I am working corporate or staying home and trying to start a small business — as long as he can see that I am committed to showing up for him + our future. This is the most important part. A man who is genuine in providing needs to see that his provision is working toward your future together, or for the future of his family. It needs to make sense for him.

Interestingly, my fiancé is a left-leaning man who believes in relationship equity, and is also non-religious. But we are both from a similar cultural milieu where a man taking care of a woman is normal. His own parents’ setup was like this, and so was mine.

Jenneapolis · 2026-06-29T16:53:23+00:00

Ok so you are 25. How long have you been looking for this man? Because to say you "can't attract a provider" makes me wonder how long you have even been looking considering how young you are and depending on how old your child is, I presume you were in some sort of relationship and then later preoccupied with child rearing so maybe couldn't focus on the relationship stuff for a period of time. So how long have you realistically been looking and putting in effort? You already know not everyone will want to raise a child so there is that but some men will be ok with it, especially given how young you are. You can have more children, you still have your looks on your side. You have time.

I guess what I am saying is, you haven't tried long enough to say you "can't" attract this yet. If you get to 30 and are still here after making solid attempts, then maybe you can say that, but it's too early to make that conclusion.

It doesn't even sound to me like you are even looking for a "provider man" if you don't care how much he makes, you are just looking for a reliable, good partner who cares about you and building a life together. So what have you been doing to try to meet men? Where have you been looking? What dates have you gone on? Why haven't they worked out? Someone else's situation gives us no details on what YOU have tried already so we can help you figure out a plan to move forward.

If you haven't though, read Surrendered Single. We also have book club summary posts we did last summer posted here if you just want a summary, but the whole book is needed.

Sad_Letterhead7590 · 2026-07-03T22:30:32+00:00

Other than being attractive physically.

Treat him in a way that supports him. Be his peace. don’t talk to other men. Take care of the house and the kids. Be loyal. Fit into his life and be part of
His dream. Make sure he wants to be a provider and wants a stay at home wife. But also help our maybe start a business from home or a part time job. Most men who are providers also have investing mindset so be frugal and show the that you want to grow and multiply what he earns.

Guys are simple. Just be his peace. Help him create a stable life. Sex. Food.

But choose a man who wants to provide and wants a family.

Thistlewhistler · 2026-06-29T20:45:58+00:00

I don’t think that you’re attracting leeches, but you’re not recognising them efficiently enough.

I firmly believe that the biggest secret to finding a great partner is not to waste time on the ones who aren’t great. Don’t make excuses for them, or hang on to a relationship out of fear of being alone. A great man could pass you by because he won’t make a move while you’re in a relationship with another man.

The second thing is to understand what “great” looks like, and contrary to what the RPM think it’s not a 6’6” billionaire with a chiselled jaw. Provider is about mindset more than bank balance. A provider is the man who will make you a cup of tea because you’re looking tired. They see you and appreciate what you do, and want to cherish you. Look for kindness, generosity (not flash spending but generous in the ways that don’t cost money), and consideration. Look at how he treats other women in his life (never fall for that line about how you’re different to other women) because that’s your future. I mean small stuff like does he take his mum for granted if she cooks a meal, or does he recognise the effort she’s gone to?

The other characteristic to consider is his work ethic. A good worker, will find ways to earn and provide. Does he show that he’s responsible, in the small ways, sticking to his word, not messing you about, accepting boundaries. Always look at what he does, not what he says about himself. Evidence.

It’s easier when your dad has been a great role model to measure future partners against because the standards are baked in. It’s much harder if you haven’t had that, or when your father has actively eroded your self worth, then you have to more systematic in your vetting and assessment.

IntelligentAge2712 · 2026-06-29T05:42:33+00:00

The right man will be so masculine that it will force you into your feminine energy. Once you see it and feel it, you can’t unsee it. If you aren’t healed or ready for that, it will trigger you. You need to actively be able to receive help and have the ability to ask for help which can be hard- especially for single moms who have had to do it all on their own. Men want to feel respected, needed and appreciated so they thrive on opportunities to show up. Even if you can do something yourself, let him and thank him. He will have high standards for himself and hold you accountable too. He won’t be able to be controlled or mothered. Many woman are not ready for that. Make sure you are healed, healthy and emotionally able to handle that depth. Being independent, working, carrying the mental load are great but when you’re living life in this survival mode, you are in your masculine energy. Feminine is soft, calm and your nervous system feels completely safe and at ease because you can trust that man to take the lead and know that he’s competent. When you are in your feminine energy he will want to provide, protect and lead naturally. People get confused with looking and dressing feminine- this isn’t it. It’s an energy dynamic. You might want a protector and provider, but can you actually energetically hold one?

AutoModerator · 2026-06-29T01:21:38+00:00

Title: What characteristics would I need to have in order to attract a PROVIDER?

Author Several-Relation-265

Full text: I know this is a really stupid question. But please answer anyways lol. I'm a 25 YO female and ex-feminist/witch and single mother. I genuinely never imagined that I would end up on this side of the fence in this lifetime, but I had a genuine experience that lead me to Christ, and naturally, as I follow the church and his teachings, I inevitably dismantled a lot of my radical leftists views over the years. This is a sincere conversion, not brought on by my journey as a single mother at all - because I have the means to take care of myself and my son and an AMAZING support system with my parents that allows me to work, travel, buy him toys, clothes, etc and take him on vacation. I work in education, but do aesthetics on the side. I'm about to start nursing school this year (only 1 year to complete schooling) and I can start doing injectables/Botox for a derm clinic and make even more money than I have no and only show up 3 days a week.

Anyways, a few months ago a man asked me out - he seemed to be genuine about his goals of becoming an electrician and telling me that he wanted me to be a stay at home wife around our third date and I was absolutely sold on this man. Over time, he showed himself to be a clown. He's on probation, smokes weed, has some questionable sexual fantasies that make me believe he might be a little bit homo or bisexual - and he is not proactive at all in his mission of becoming an electrician. He's actually worse than the leftist men I experienced in the past, because he's "red pilled" yet he can't follow any of his conservative beliefs consistently.

I thought I was safe. He asked me out around the time that I had lost 20 pounds, toned my hair from an "unnatural" color to honey blonde/light brown - you know, I really really started putting effort into my looks, so here I'm thinking that I'm finally getting to attract a serious, provider man.

Anyways, just like many single mothers or women that come to this sub, I was raised to be independent as possible, masculine as possible, etc. My mother is upset about my choice to go to nursing school to be able to work 3 days a week to spend the rest of my time with my son instead of focusing on building up my aesthetics business. My dad was a leftist man who hated hated hated women (he also abandoned his sons in a previous marriage) which lead him to dump a lot of masculine ideals onto me - he wanted me to be a corporate girly or engineer and I EXCEEDINGLY failed at everything he imagined I would be. For the longest time, his expectations turned me into a performative person - and super competative as well. I can't be those things because of my spiritual journey, and I have a feeling it is unconsciously attracting dead beats and lazy men in my life who grossly overestimate my "strength"

My priest tells me to find someone who provides. Whenever I come to him about ANY problems in my life, especially pertaining to motherhood, he tells me "it will get better once you find your husband" I can't tell you how many times I almost left the church because he would bring that up. I was still in my feminist mindset of "a man would be a burden on top of the ones I already have" - and I was also triggered by this statement because in all honesty, I've NEVER been cherished like that before. Even my dad told me no one would ever want me. Even my dad would beat me, so how am I to expect a man to value me?

I don't truly ever plan on giving up working, but it still feels "off" knowing I can't seem to attract the kind of man that would take care of me if I wanted that instead. I just want someone who looks at me and falls in love with me for my SOFTNESS - not my strength. I wouldn't even say I'm particularly "strong" in my character - and I don't know why people at CHURCH have this impression of me because I'm CONSTANTLY talking about my neuroticism and anxiety, which to me, shows that I'm not stable - yet people still see my strength and for some reason want to build with me or whatever.

I do believe I have a good work ethic, values, I take my health seriously, I love love love being a mom and want more kids in the future.

It could just be the people I talk to? What I talk about? Who I give the most energy to? I also do unfortunately value attraction and chemistry. I also don't really want to Mary someone too much older than me. I also don't really care if he makes 40k a year or even 300k, I just want someone who WANTS to take care of me. i don't believe that's asking for too much. - there's this bigger/heavier set woman at my church married a smoke show (not necessarily Ryan gossling level, he was just someone who's my type on paper) he had a "metal head" look to him And she was a single mom to 3 kids by 2 different baby daddies. He works as an EMT, and he's new so he's not making LOTS of money, but it's just the fact that she found a man that was willing to take care of her like that that makes me wonder.

Anyways yeah help me. Tips, tricks, countenance counseling, etc.?

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Sea_Bookkeeper_1533 · 2026-06-29T03:45:21+00:00

Look your best, feminine self at all times. Wear dresses, hair and nails done, make up done, and keep it classy. Nothing overdone. Other than that, vet fast and hard. A provider will have a good job and will want to court u properly. Dinner dates at nice restaurants. Flowers in the first few dates and even a small gift. He will worry about how you get to and from dates. Is he offering to pick u up/send u a car? A provider will not be pushy for sex and absolutely do not put out early, do not even flirt in a sexual manner early. If he mentions sex in the 1st three dates thats all he wants i promise.

Also try focus less on his appearance. They want to provide when they like you a lot so he might have to like you more than you like him. If hes rich and hot he can get anyone so you better be in the 1% of women in the dating market.

Let them come to you. If you have to chase/ initiate contact, he does not like you.

Pleasant_Fig8444 · 2026-06-29T12:11:11+00:00

Be Hot, then have a good personality. Look in the right places.

Title	What characteristics would I need to have in order to attract a PROVIDER?
Author	Several-Relation-265
Upvotes	0
Comments	14
Date	June 29, 2026 1:21 AM UTC (3 weeks ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1uiek57/what_characteristics_would_i_need_to_have_in/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/what-characteristics-would-i-need-to-have-in-order.1583853 https://theredarchive.com/post/1583853

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