A guy in my church reached out to me for some advice on his divorce. This one’s got me very perplexed.

BACKGROUND

He’s been divorced a year. They have two kids 12 & 14. His ex wife cheated on him to be in a relationship with her AP. This loser is also divorced. I’ll just call him AB (affair boyfriend). This guy (my friend) retained the family home. His ex lives in an apartment in the same community. They have 50/50.

AB lives an hour east of us. He works an hour east of where he lives.

Apparently, AB comes to visit the ex wife sporadically. Kids refuse to be with her if he is there (which she has honored). So between work schedules and mismatched custody schedules this has evidently put a strain on their relationship. (At this point I’m smiling- who cares? Right?

NEW CHALLENGE

My friend’s ex just approached him wanting to relocate and modify custody. She wants to move into AB’s home. Her plan is that AB will not be there when the kids visit. Evidently he has a hunting camp and can stay with his brother or parents. She also wants the custody for every other weekend. She feels the kids are old enough and doing their own thing anyway. At least that’s what she tells herself. She said she would not go to court if friend does not support.

BENFIT TO MODIFYING CUSTODY

In our state, cohabitation eliminates alimony. This saves my friend a ton of money ~$4,000 per month. The custody modification basically eliminates him paying child support $2,000 month. This is a lot of money for the next 6 years. His ex completely acknowledges this.

DOWNSIDE TO MODIFYING CUSTODY

Biggest issue is impact to the kids social life and school activities. They both play sports, are active in their church and, as teenagers, are constantly with friends. While his ex claims she will make sure they get to major activities, he does not trust her. He also doesn’t trust that AB will stay away from the kids. The kids will absolutely NOT take his well.

I owe this friend an answer on my thoughts. Told him I needed to think about it. My guess is AB is driving all of this to either get out or get control. If she doesn’t get modification, he’s out. If she does move, she’s kinda trapped. Add to this, she loses her remaining friends and distances herself from other family. My thinking is to let her modify on the bet that her plan blows apart- ie pressure from kids, travel and having to deal with AB full time.

Anxious to get feedback. Thanks in advance.