I was scrolling randomly on Pinterest and came across a pin captioned “how men look at their homegirl before telling her they have feelings for her after years of platonic friendship“. I was like…what’s the problem here? He has feelings and he expressed them…? So, the top comment on that post said “All those years of friendship was just because you wanted a relationship? Imagine how she feels thinking she made a real friend only for you to admit it was all for the prospect of a relationship.”

That got me thinking…this definitely was not the first time I had seen something like that. I see those “top canon events for girls“ videos and they always involve the male best friend saying “I have to tell you something” as a bad thing. I think it relates back to the whole “friendzone” discourse and how “men can’t handle rejection” or something similar. Yes, it is shitty to get mad at your friend for rejecting your feelings, but I feel like the discourse has gone too far in the other direction and is now demonizing men for having feelings for their female friends at all. These are the most common attacks I see:

  1. “Why would you ruin the friendship? She thought she made a real friend only to find out you only wanted sex/a relationship.”

- Don’t most relationships start with friendship though? And what the alternative? Telling her from the get-go you wanna date or have sex with her? I thought that’s “creepy”.

  1. “If she wanted to, she would.”

- What if she feels the same way but is scared to say anything? How would you know if you never be honest? Besides, society expects men to be the courters and confessors of love, so she might just be waiting on you.

  1. “Men can’t accept platonic friendships with women because they don’t see women as people, only as potential partners.”

- Attraction isn’t a choice. You can see someone as a human being with thoughts, feelings, and dreams and develop feelings for them. In fact, isn’t that a big reason why feelings develop? You like them so much as a friend and a human that you start wanting an intimate bond with them beyond the boundaries of platonic friendship. Not being okay with just a friendship when you want something more doesn’t mean you don’t see someone as a human and only a possible partner. It just means you’re dissatisfied with your current relationship status and want to introduce the possibility of changing it.

  1. ”Why did it take you so long to realize?”

- Many men aren’t super in tune their emotions. It can really take years to realize feelings sometimes. Or those feelings take years to develop. If you don’t confess feelings and start acting weird, then they get mad at you for being emotionally repressed and bad at communicating. You want men to be more open but get mad when you don’t like what you hear.

Have you ever noticed this?