Is it beta or alpha to call out bad behavior?

Musicgoon · 2021-03-02T04:23:07+00:00

You demonstrate not explicate. Actions speak louder than words. I like going with ,"I don't do drama", then you withdraw attention. It's her job to figure it out.

And stop with this Alpha and Beta bullshit. You aren't Alpha and you'll never be alpha if your focus and worry is about being ,"alpha".

Fookin_Crispy · 2021-03-02T04:29:07+00:00

Fuck these labels. I used to be like yo worrying about “alpha” or “beta” there are times I have to be one or the other.

I for sure don’t try to be alpha and shit at a workplace where 90% of the guys are fat and have low self esteem while being in a higher position than me. This breeds resentment from these guys and they will fuck your over.

Subutai_Baghatur · 2021-03-02T10:08:21+00:00

Is it beta or alpha to call out bad behavior?

I think I am sensing a contradiction in trp. If I am understanding this correctly, if you call out her bad behavior then you are not passing the test, and showing her she is getting to you and she now knows how to push your buttons. However if you do not call out bad behavior, it makes you look weak and desperate because you are afraid to check her and enforce your boundaries. It seems like you can't win either way? Any and all advice would be greatly appreciated.

Ultimately it comes down to who’s frame the relationship is actually operating in.

If you are in her frame and

1, you call her out for bad behaviour — this will be seen as needy, controlling and desperate as it will be a clear attempt at a frame grab and that you have no other option than to do this to prevent this behaviour happening. This is not likely to result in any positive outcome because Betas do not set rules

2, you do not call her out (but withdraw attention and time) — this will be seen as passive, avoiding confrontation and weak. You will seem butthurt because Betas react emotionally

However, if she is in your frame (ie. she always does what you tell her) you can use whatever method you like.

1, you call her out for bad behaviour — you are essentially communicating to her ”I see that you are trying to test my frame, I am going to overtly reaffirm my frame and your place in this relationship. I am unconcerned about the ramifications if you choose not to fall back in line”

2, you do not call her out (but withdraw attention and time) — you are communicating to her ”I am not affected by your feeble attempts to test my frame and I have better things to do than to give you my time”

So firstly, the main issue is that you need to stop operating within her frame.

Start saying no, start passing shit tests, stop asking her for things, stop getting pulled in to arguments and stfu, start being truly unaffected about anything that she does or says.

This will help pull yourself out of her frame and when that happens, she will try to reaffirm her frame so again — ignore, stfu and be unaffected.

Once that happens, you can then begin to start cultivating the relationship in your own frame —setting boundaries, putting her in her place when she acts badly and start getting her to do things for you.

halleluiaiaia9292 · 2021-03-02T06:31:42+00:00

“Playful/flirty around guys”

Shoot yourself in the foot man. Good luck :)

Shes probably an attractive woman and you are ignoring the red flags.

You will get burnt

LavenderFish · 2021-03-02T04:01:29+00:00

It depends on your skill level and the circumstance.

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Title	Is it beta or alpha to call out bad behavior?
Author	LavenderFish
Upvotes	4
Comments	12
Date	March 2, 2021 3:57 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/lvtach/is-it-beta-or-alpha-to-call-out-bad-behavior/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/is-it-beta-or-alpha-to-call-out-bad-behavior.1597490 https://theredarchive.com/post/1597490

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