When to expect lull periods?

BabyGothQ · 2021-04-12T12:37:34+00:00

This is my opinion and not directly influenced by anything in the handbook: if you find that you’re expecting relationships to be “demanding”, “a rollercoaster of emotions”, that you “hate” having to deal with it, and that you’ll regret the relationship after the honeymoon period, I think there’s a bigger, deeper issue here than when to expect lulls.

Like you said, it’s normal to have lulls, it’s what you do with them, how you respond that matters, not whether or not they’ll show up too soon.

I can’t tell you how to respond because everyone is different. What works for me may not work for you or for the person you’re with.

But I’ll tell you what I do: nothing. I accept it as part of the ups and downs of relationships and choose a partner who doesn’t make it more difficult than it already is. If I’m with the right partner, I wouldn’t need to do anything special, we’ll work it out together because we have open, honest communication and genuinely care for each other. Or else we’ll break up.

Sea_Soil · 2021-04-12T12:41:54+00:00

The key is to only be responsible for your own feelings. You and your partner need to be responsible for your own feelings and happiness. Come together to grow and expand not to fill a void.

I think your expectations for these things might be a sign that you have an overall negative idea of relationships and what they can be.

saint-jezebel · 2021-04-12T13:05:29+00:00

I personally don’t think anything is “bound” to happen. A relationship doesn’t define you or the other person, so as long as you understand you’re human, you understand that even you have your normal routine and that it needs to be dealt with. A way to deal with problems in a relationship is to determine what the problem is and find solutions that fit the problem. For example, a dry spell (different meanings for different people) can mean spending time apart because you’re probably spending too much time together. Just depends.

The next think is relationships aren’t demanding; people are. If a person is demanding, then that might be a problem but also, if a person is demanding and you’re accommodating, you’re also the problem. Next, if you find investment to be a problem, then you should probably avoid relationships until you understand why you can’t process anything deep past the courting stage.

Last, there is no time frame of which to expect these things. You shouldn’t even be worried or putting your energy into these thoughts. I mean this next question in all honesty “why do you even care?” Again, you need to understand why you’re running from emotions. This can be a sign of being emotionally unavailable and if this is the case, again, avoid relationships until you can be emotionally available. This could also pinpoint to the reason why you don’t want to be bothered with these issues, and they are likely the root cause of your issues in relationships. You want to know when to expect them so you can get out and avoid them. I am in no way caping for men, but I don’t think you should continue to waste time when you’re not ready for what you’re looking for.

ASeaOfQuotes · 2021-04-12T16:35:40+00:00

The other ladies have great advice here! I just want to add in, we often get sold this idea that a relationship has to have arguments and has to have passionate makeups to be exciting, and honestly that is a lie. Especially when it comes to potential disrespect. I don’t care how long I’ve been with someone, but if he called me names like a bitch or whatever, I would not be staying with him. It is normal to have small disagreements over where to eat or whether to get a new washing machine or a TV first when you’re living together, but it is NOT normal to have screaming matches, or to be called names.

Lulls, to me, are just about being comfortable, and when you’re comfortable you tend to do the same stuff you always did. The best way to handle it in that regard is to recognize it with your partner and shake it up, travel, go to a new event, try a fun hobby together, do something to spark renewed shared interests or to bring up topics of conversation you’ve never had in depth before. Excitement gets you out of the mundane, but your partner has to be willing to come with you. Vetting for someone willing and able to try new things with you is a great way to avoid lulls.

Title	When to expect lull periods?
Author	fairy_s
Upvotes	23
Comments	4
Date	April 12, 2021 9:44 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askFDS
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askfds/comments/mpahm8/when-to-expect-lull-periods/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askFDS/when-to-expect-lull-periods.1629329 https://theredarchive.com/post/1629329

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