Recently things between me (25F) and this guy (26M) I had been seeing ended. We were in what the internet calls a “situationship,” in every way besides title we were in a relationship, we texted all the time, he called me “baby”, introduced me to his family and friends, made plans for the future, talked about deep/private things, etc. Over time though, I started to notice that he was acting different, cancelling on our plans, ignoring my messages when he was clearly online, putting in less effort into our dates, so i brought it up and he said it was because of work picking up and that things were still fine between us( he works from home atm because of covid).

Eventually though, we had the DTR convo and he said he couldn’t see a relationship at the moment/wanted to take things slow because his busy schedule didn’t allow him to give me the right type of attention if i were to be his gf and, the usual, that he was still too vulnerable over what his ex had done to him to fully commit, but that he was not seeing anyone and that he was very much into me. I asked him if this was a “never will be in a relationship” kind of thing or if this was more of a “im scared of getting my feelings hurt so i want to take things slow but this is not how things will be forever” because I didn’t want to waste my time with someone that was heading nowhere and he assured me it was more about the second thing than the first .... so i agreed that I was ok with things going slow.

Fast forward to some later time and he starts acting even more distant, we don’t see each other, he now cancels minutes before our plans without explanation and his texts begin to get really dry. I eventually brought it up and instead of assuring me or giving me an explanation he went straight into saying that he was not ready to commit to anyone and that he had too much to work on before he could be in a relationship now or in the future ... so we ended things.

Although writing this all out makes me realize that I did the right thing, I can’t seem to stop internalizing the break up and wonder what is it that I lack that makes him not want to commit to me. He had long term relationships in the past so i know he can commit, why is that he can’t do the same with me? He was the one that reached out first, that started calling me cute nicknames, that introduced me to friends and family first, and even made plans for the future. I never asked for any of those things, he did that on his own and then he backed off when I asked for clarity because his actions were not matching his words. So my big question here is... how do you guys stop yourselves from having these kinds of thoughts? The type that are like am i not ___ enough? Especially when things seemed to be going so well and he was so engaged at first only to end things and disappear right after. We haven’t spoken since the “breakup” and it makes me feel like this (and I) meant nothing to him and it was all a game.