Background: I've been with my SO for 8 years. We got together when I was 19. We are 27 F and 29 M now. Not married, but we talk about it off and on.. I think he's not trying harder to solidify things since he's never really been that happy with me the last few years, hence why I am here now on RPW to try to change.

We had an amazing start to our relationship with deep infatuation and a good amount of sex. My SO has had a far way to come in regards to maturity and taking better care of himself (we both had drug problems but I had a better support system than he did so I was able to bounce back easier than him) and I think the fact that I did more supporting and taking care of him like a parent than being a partner really ruined things over the years. it's been hard to rip away from that mentality and treat him like an adult and realize it's ok to trust him now since he's not where he used to be anymore.

Over the years I've really broken him down.. some of it because he really was not reliable and very hard to deal with and some of it because of my own falling apart and sinking into bad relationship habits.

Problem: If you're not attracted to your SO, you obviously don't want to have sex. Over the last couple of years though he's turned into an amazing human being, becoming more reliable and strong but alas our sex life never recovered.. And he's never understood you need more than love from a person for attraction.

He tells me he has poor confidence and self esteem. I want to help change this and I know a healthy sex life could help this, but things are just kind of awkward now. We rarely have sex and frankly, I never feel horny. Like pretty much never, for awhile he thought I was seeing someone else because 'this isn't normal, and no one just doesn't have a sex drive'.. It is horribly frustrating.

How am I supposed to fix our sex life when he's almost given up and succumbed to the fact we never do it and I have no enthusiasm or need for it in the first place? if I could just get the ball rolling again that would be great, but I really feel awkward and have no drive..