I want to swallow the pill, but I'm not sure if I belong...

[deleted] · 2014-07-22T21:39:32+00:00

There have been a few posts on this sub asking the users if they believe their parents influenced their inclination to be RPW, and an interesting trend surfaced: While some users talked about how close they are with their parents, other users mentioned that they grew up with either one or two bad parents, or that their parents got divorced. Becoming a RPW is a choice - it's about accountability, honesty, selflessness, and hard work. Does growing up in a stable household help? Yes, but that holds true for many things in life. There are ladies here that saw poor behavior from their parents and became determined to make different decisions.

As for your concern about styling and appearance, I'll tell you a secret: I almost never wear make-up. I wear my hair long, but don't really fuss with it all that much. You don't have to wear dresses and skirts with a full face of make-up to be a RPW. This is actually a mistake many new users come to the sub thinking. Being a RPW is more than looking nice, the truly hard work doesn't take place on the exterior. Working to correct personality flaws, and turn bad-habits into good ones is a far more difficult process than simply putting on a bit of lipstick. Now, it is important to work on your overall health and fitness, but you by no means need to walk out the door as though you're about to walk down a runway. :0)

Also...I hate TRP. I'm sorry, but I do. I've found that it's basically the insane cousin of /r/seduction, but worse. I don't think that TRP and RPW have much in common at all, other than that both subreddits think that gender roles are important.

TRP is a sub for men and it has several different focuses (LTR's, casual dating/spinning plates, and MGTOW). Not every RP man would be a good LTR candidate simply because not ever RP man is interested in an LTR, and that's fine.

Men are not afforded the same leeway and advantages when it comes to voicing their opinions. TRP is a safe-haven, many of the users will mellow out and heal over time. What you (and many other people) often fail to realize is that how the users talk on TRP is not how they talk in real life. TRP is a place where they are able to vent and work through things.

Becoming RP is a process, and it's not an easy journey for many gentlemen. There's also an anger phase for individuals that are grieving - and swallowing the Red Pill is similar in many ways. These are gentlemen that were raised to play the game by certain rules. Their parents, society, girls they wanted to date, women in general, as well as other men all told them "here's what you need to do in order to be successful" - and it was all useless. From "listen to her, and be a shoulder for her" to the people saying "you don't need to change, you just haven't met the right person yet." Some of these men have gone without feeling a kind embrace of a woman for years on end, that kind of loneliness breeds desperation and crushes your sense of self-worth. When you do everything everyone around you advises, and nothing works, you feel lost, hopeless, and worthless. So when users discover TRP and realize that they've been playing by a faulty set of rules, they're going to be mad. When they start to understand just how much nonsense women put men through for no reason, when they realize how much they've been used and taken for granted - yeah, they're going to be a bit miffed.

Will all men go through this process? No. Some men are naturally skilled, adept, and confident. They use a lot of the tactics talked about on TRP without ever knowing it. These men are fortunate. Society has not feminized and beaten them down. Other men are able to become RP without experiencing any anger at all.

Remember that there's no rule that says RPW must read TRP. I will comment when and where I think I can add to the conversation, but I don't really spend any time there. I will say that we don't allow RP bashing on this sub - but it's also not something we really talk about (unless someone else specifically brings it up). Being a RPW means that you understand and have empathy for a lot of the things men have to deal with and go through.

Our relationship is very equal and built on mutual respect. I want to maintain that sense of fairness and respect, but at the same time, I want him to kind of 'take over'.

Here's the thing, if your relationship is based on equality, then there's no room for him to take the lead. Again, this is another misunderstanding that many users have. My SO and I have a Captain/First Mate dynamic - and we both know that he will almost always take the lead. Now does that mean I never get what I want? Am I left at the mercy of his whim? Are my opinions and concerns invalid?

No. Being a Captain doesn't mean you walk around like an inflated blimp doling out orders and getting everything you want. Being a Captain means that you accept responsibility for a lot of things (maintaining the attraction of your First Mate, making her a priority at all times, being considerate of her needs and desires, delegating tasks/knowing your SO's strengths and abilities). I provide input and feedback freely, we discuss things together and explore options. He is very pro-active about addressing issues before they become problems. He immediately knows when something - anything is off about my mood or energy level. He is the first person I turn to when I can't decide on something (this happens very rarely, I own a small business and am used to making calls without any outside input).

If you trust your SO to always be considerate of your needs, if you respect him, and he has proven that he can make good decisions - then holding onto this "equality" dynamic doesn't really make sense. You mention that you like that he's a man's man - so why are you trying to restrain his masculinity with an equal distribution of power in your relationship? The minute you step back and allow him to take the lead is the same minute you will discover a new kind of joy and happiness.

These are just some thoughts off the top of my head, so if you have questions, please don't hesitate to ask. I will tell you that no one would guess that my SO and I are RP. We are just a happy couple that gets along with everyone. :0)

Edit: Thank you for the gold! :0)

[deleted] · 2014-07-22T20:34:56+00:00

TRP and RPW operate with the exact same set of knowledge regarding sex differences and attraction, we have different goals. We aim to understand men and ourselves using the knowledge of TRP and to make our relationships better for BOTH members, not just the woman. This tends to involve LOTS of catering to the man because men are the gatekeepers of commitment and in our estimation need to be treated that way to keep them engaged AND happy to give up their sexual liberty for us. It's not rocket surgery

This isn't a cult or a lifestyle, you don't HAVE to do anything, if you do things in your relationship based on what we say your relationship will get better, your husband/SO will be happier and in turn will make you happier. That's it. Not a single one of us is some Platonic Form of RPW.

Bakerofpie · 2014-07-23T00:54:32+00:00

There are things here that don't apply to me or that I don't agree with, but I give an honest consideration of the ideas presented and if I still determine I don't agree with it I simply move on to the next post that I feel is more relevant for me. It isn't a cult where you must take every little thing to heart or else you don't belong. Just be respectful of those with different ideas and give a real shot at understanding the argument before you decide it's not right for you.

I have a ton of red flags according to TRP, but my husband's opinions trump anything I'm going to read here or anywhere else. I can see all sorts of posts about how women with some similar traits to mine are not to be trusted, but it doesn't really bother me because my husband trusts me anyway. You don't have to perfectly fit the mold. You just have to want to understand men and be devoted to one you trust enough to lead you.

swift-heart · 2014-07-22T20:09:15+00:00

here's a sub for red pill ltr's /r/RedPill_Couples but it wouldn't make sense for you to start posting there if you absolutely HATE trp.

maybe you're just a bit shocked and angry by some of the things you've read there but they may eventually start sink in and make more sense? don't forget to read the sidebar links here as well.

little_red_ · 2014-07-22T22:32:32+00:00

I've seen several posts mentioning how important it is for a woman to have grown up with a father figure (preferably one who maintained his traditional gender role). That's something I missed out on and I can't really change it now - is that a big problem?

This is only a red flag and not necessarily a dealbreaker for a lot of guys. It's only important insofar that you can respect a man without having had that strong male presence in your life. Women who had fathers that were present are still disrespectful to their husband, so it's not a concrete assurance that IF a woman has a stable family she will be good material. It's just preferable because it's more common than not that a woman who grew up without a father can have issues respecting a man in a RP setting.

My second worry is that my style is not all that feminine. I am a tomboy by nature.

This is something I would encourage to change since masculine men are attracted to feminine women. If you are looking for a masculine man, he is likely not going to want to date a man with ladyparts.

Also...I hate TRP.

You may disagree with some of the guys at TRP because of where they are in life, but hate is a very strong word. I suggest you spend more time trying to understand why you feel this way about men who have been mislead and lied to their entire lives. TRP and RPW have very much in common. We are not one in the same, but to say that we only share one commonality is an extreme oversight.

Our relationship is very equal...

I never understand what people mean when they say this because 'equal' can mean so many different things. If you want him to take the lead, you two will not always be equal and you'll need to be okay with that, especially if you are saying it is something YOU desire.

I can/want to conform 100% to EVERYTHING I've read on this subreddit.

What exactly about this subreddit do you not think suits you?

[deleted] · 2014-07-22T20:29:35+00:00

RP lifestyle isn't a set of rules but rather guidelines based on observations of interaction between the sexes. It doesn't have to fit your circumstances 100% of the time. The point is to apply RP truths by self improvement and encouraging self awareness. Stop focusing so much on the letter of RP so much and instead look at the spirit in which it was intended.

Also, have you read the sidebar? If you have, read the links again. I had to read the links several times to really absorb what this sub is about.

[deleted] · 2014-07-23T15:47:38+00:00

The ladies have really hit a lot of the other points spot on, but I wanted to touch on this:

I've seen several posts mentioning how important it is for a woman to have grown up with a father figure (preferably one who maintained his traditional gender role). That's something I missed out on and I can't really change it now - is that a big problem?.

It's one of those things that's considered a red flag, but it doesn't automatically disqualify you from being capable of being a RPW. You have to know how to be empathetic towards men's struggles and how to be respectful towards your specific man. You can have those things without needing a proper father figure in your life. It's all about choice and learning.

My dad was (and still is) an alcoholic, much like yours was. Not to the point that he totally destroyed our finances, but the kind that would get drunk ever day/night he could, including drinking before going to work (or even on the way to work). It's a bad thing when I can barely remember any fun stories of when my dad was sober.

But having that experience in my life showed me something valuable: the kind of man I didn't want to be with. It gave me a model to avoid, at the very least. You can still use that information to know the kind of type to avoid.

My grandpa was my father figure, and, not surprisingly, my boyfriend reminds me of my grandpa, only a much more modern version.

Do you have any kind of man who presented a solid fatherly (or, at least, a positive masculine) presence at all? Even if you had a male teacher with a good influence can work to your advantage despite it being a more unorthodox place to find a father figure.

The overall point is that you can learn from your experiences, even if they're negative. Don't automatically disqualify yourself because of X if you think you can use X as a valuable learning experience.

[deleted] · 2014-07-23T05:47:23+00:00

Hey I totally understand where you're coming from on the tomboy thing. I think I definitely don't wear dresses much. And I kinda hate makeup (except for lipgloss although my problem is not licking it off right away!). I don't blowdry though I do have a nice styling brush that also drys (highly suggest investing in them, it'll help in the winter!). I do have longer hair though and I wear feminine things (doesn't have to be a dress to be feminine).

My dad was a terrible father and my mother was just a terrible person in general. Like PhantomDream09 said, it's a choice.

As far as you hating TRP, it is a strong word. TRP is crass, yes, and blunt. Men don't get to be blunt in today's world anymore. Women have that power when it used to be reversed. Look at the sidebar about the differences. The big difference is our sexual strategy is different from men's as it should be.

You can lurk, comment whatever. RPW isn't a bible and everyone applies RP to their life differently. Mine is very different for instance being disabled. Others have two people working outside the home in the relationship and parenting as such because, hey, the economy still sucks. choose what is right for your family. As long as you understand the ideas, interpretation is open somewhat

Title	I want to swallow the pill, but I'm not sure if I belong...
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	10
Comments	16
Date	July 22, 2014 7:50 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/2bfb6z/i_want_to_swallow_the_pill_but_im_not_sure_if_i/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/i-want-to-swallow-the-pill-but-im-not-sure-if-i.165617 https://theredarchive.com/post/165617

Comments