New here, not new to RPW ideas, but still so much to improve

TempestTcup · 2015-11-02T16:27:43+00:00

I think control is a problem that many RPW face and are actively trying to overcome.

StingrayVC · 2015-11-02T16:35:47+00:00

/u/TempestTcup is right. I think, on some level, every single one of us struggles with the control issue. We all have certain ways we would like to see things done. Being in a relationship with any other person necessitates surrendering some kind of control or there would be no relationship.

At the end of the day, this issue comes down to trust. Do you trust him enough to continue to surrender? To put more and more of your trust into him? To, even if (and when) he does mess it up, to fix the problem? Because if you do (and of course, if he is worthy of this trust) then a whole new world will open up to you.

While the feminist trope is that, if you trust implicitly and surrender, men will simply up and take advantage of you, the truth is that most men, thrive on this trust (yes, of course, there are a few men who will take advantage). Most men sense this surrender and find they want to perform harder; become more. It is a driving force in their live, if you let it be.

And, as always, we don't trust and surrender this way to get out of a man what we want. We do it because we love them and want to see them become better.

cats_or_get_out · 2015-11-02T17:42:53+00:00

Welcome! I think we have to fight the urge to control--and not just our husbands. I was a total control freak for years--my job, the students, even my eating patterns were all about control. The funny thing is the more I tried to control, the more I spiraled out of control.

I take the writings of Epictetus to heart. Whenever I feel that urge, I read the opening passage to The Enchiridion:

"Some things are in our control and others not. Things in our control are opinion, pursuit, desire, aversion, and, in a word, whatever are our own actions. Things not in our control are body, property, reputation, command, and, in one word, whatever are not our own actions.

"The things in our control are by nature free, unrestrained, unhindered; but those not in our control are weak, slavish, restrained, belonging to others. Remember, then, that if you suppose that things which are slavish by nature are also free, and that what belongs to others is your own, then you will be hindered. You will lament, you will be disturbed, and you will find fault both with gods and men. But if you suppose that only to be your own which is your own, and what belongs to others such as it really is, then no one will ever compel you or restrain you. Further, you will find fault with no one or accuse no one. You will do nothing against your will. No one will hurt you, you will have no enemies, and you not be harmed."

Tumeric25 · 2015-11-06T11:34:18+00:00

I can see how very "purple" I was in the name of not being a doormat.

You'll tend to find that being a RPW is not synonymous with being a doormat, there's a post explaining the difference here :)

Welcome to RPW!

ChakraShocker · 2015-11-06T17:51:09+00:00

Hello. Brand spanking new to RPW and only barely informed or RP.

Please direct me to the best things to read to familiarize myself.

Title	New here, not new to RPW ideas, but still so much to improve
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	12
Comments	15
Date	November 2, 2015 4:20 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/3r84ie/new_here_not_new_to_rpw_ideas_but_still_so_much/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/new-here-not-new-to-rpw-ideas-but-still-so-much-to.166522 https://theredarchive.com/post/166522

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