Worried about compatibility issues with almost-boyfriend

Willow-girl · 2016-10-02T13:28:01+00:00

Your boyfriend may be a very nice guy, but it sounds like the two of you are on different life paths. Realistically, unless he wins the lottery or something, he is never going to be able to support you (and a family) in the manner to which you aspire. That doesn't make him a bad guy, just not a particularly ambitious one.

If he were 18, it might be possible that he'd get fed up with entry-level work and desire advancement, but if that hasn't happened by 28, I'd say the die has been cast. Love him or leave him, but you're probably not going to change him (and attempting to do so will make you both miserable).

So the question is, are you willing to change your dreams for your future in order to be with this man? Could you be the primary breadwinner, and do it without resenting your partner for his lack of git-up? If you can accept him as he is, fine; if not, cut him loose and find someone who more closely aligns to your current life path. JMO.

(Edited to add: the part about your sex life being lousy makes me think he probably needs to get his testosterone checked. There could be a physiological basis to both issues!)

nonnimoose · 2016-10-02T19:01:34+00:00

Move on. Because if you don't, you're going to try to mold this guy into the type of guy you think you deserve to be married to. What makes you (or any woman) entitled to nag a guy into becoming what she wants?

For a woman looking for future marriage, the point of dating is to find your ideal partner and test for compatibility. You haven't found your ideal, so there's little value in your compatibility. Which, by the way, isn't all that great if your sex life isn't very good.

You are young but you won't be forever. Stop wasting time. His lack of ambition isn't "almost" a deal breaker, it IS a deal breaker!

Laz_The_Kid · 2016-10-02T10:47:38+00:00

Why are you having sex with him without getting his commitment? It seems to me that you are his plate at the moment since based on your title you don't consider him your boyfriend. He has no reason to get his life together or have career goals for your sake because he's already sleeping with you without having to do anything.

WildHoneyChild · 2016-10-03T02:43:57+00:00

My last serious boyfriend was somewhat similar. He was a great guy - very kind, smart, and funny, we shared many common interests, etc. But he was also bad with money, he was always stressed out about it and barely scraping by. And he was also in his late 20s with no real change in sight. Because he was always stressed about it, that took a toll on our relationship, plus it was disheartening that we could rarely ever go out on dates because of it, and the one time that we went on a vacation together, he complained most of the time about how much it was going to cost him, and we ended up arguing and not enjoying ourselves. I wanted to move in with him (we'd been together 2.5 years), but now I just can't imagine living with even a roommate who constantly struggles to pay their share of the bills, let alone a partner who you're supposed to love and respect.

I agree that it may just be a fundamental compatibility issue with you two. It may not seem like a major problem now but if you stay with him for the long term it will likely bring resentment, frustration, etc. unless you decide that you're actually okay with him exactly as he is and you don't try to change him.

Title	Worried about compatibility issues with almost-boyfriend
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	11
Comments	11
Date	October 2, 2016 9:14 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/55hk4c/worried_about_compatibility_issues_with/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/worried-about-compatibility-issues-with-almost.166956 https://theredarchive.com/post/166956

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