I will preface this by saying that I absolutely adore most of the content on this sub. It has really helped me remember my strength and immutable worth, it’s make me laugh, it’s made me angry on behalf of my fellow women and the absolute trash that we’ve had to endure and are sold as “acceptable”.

I’m interested in opinions on situations where FDS rules are just inadequate, or cannot be applied to all situations without nuance.

The first that comes to mind is one I’m grappling with currently, that we should under no circumstance ask a man out. I think there are rare situations where it may be ok or even necessary to be a little more direct with a man. Let’s say he’s shown consistent interests for an extended period of time, every single day, and you’ve received and sent every non-verbal cue in the book including flirtatious touches, but has yet to utter the words “Would you like to go on a date”? He’s successful, handsome, treats you with respect, seeks you out...but sometimes appears nervous around you, goofy even...like he’s unsure (despite you sending all the signals) whether you like him back, or whether it would be appropriate for him to make a move for social/work/friendship reasons. Is it really the end of the world in such a situation to say something like “Here’s my number, if you’re interested let’s go on a date sometime”, leaving the ball in his court. It also communicates that you’re confident and able to ask for what you want but not bothered if it’s not reciprocated. I believe I heard the term “strong vulnerability” in a school of life video, and it really resonated. The problem with pickme tendencies is not that interest is shown, it’s that it goes well beyond that and turns into manic dependency.

I am well aware of how horrible some men can be, and I’ve dated a fair few of these unfortunately. But there are good men out there, and sometimes they’re the ones least likely to ask for a date, emboldened by toxic masculinity and an inflated sense of self. What of the quiet men? Or the shy? Or those who genuinely feel you’re out of their league or excuse away the signals you send that you like them out of disbelief?

Is throwing the first ball into their court really all that bad?