Yo,

I have a pretty decent break from school and the morale of the ship is pretty low. Too much time spent loafing around, not doing any work, girls fucking bore me, and waking up in the morning is tough.

I'm in pretty decent shape according to military standards and I run myself to the ground a few times a month for the heck of it.

Socially, I've made a habit of walking around campus, making new friends, getting drunk, doing whatever at parties, and not remembering shit. I've found that most people aren't worth maintaining friendships, it's too much work. If you're going to hang out with some chick instead of having fun outside of your comfort zone, no thanks man. Nothing personal.

Academically, I'm pretty shit. Failed a pretty tough math course (70% failure rate, but no excuses) Have a few B's and C's here and haven't even registered for classes yet due to financial issues with loans.

Here's what I have in mind:

Hit rock bottom and "smell the smoke" to get my priorities straight.

Accomplish this by doing something extreme such as locking myself in my room with just water until I collect my thoughts and man the fuck up.

I could substitute that by going out in the scary, cold, and unforgiving wilderness that is Pennsylvania. Bring some tools, string, food, water, and some matches. Build a shelter, explore the land, build a fire, do some fishing, look at the stars and realize how insignificant I am to the universe, y'know that kind of stuff.

Try some wild things: right now I'll be going to a gun range event for the first time and blow shit up with other dudes. This also includes getting sushi at 2am, walking around the city and exploring abandoned buildings, going into random thrift stores and doing as my heart desires. Unfortunately, sometimes I feel like all I want to do is sleep, eat, and waste away. I signed up for MMA program and a few months worth of rock climbing classes in 2015 where I'll get certified to train other people and do whatever I want. That may sound cool and all but I can't seem to find the childish giddiness that makes me excited for the next day to come.

In conclusion, I feel like I'm a fucking emotional zombie and all these things come and go and I hardly fucking care. Not the cool-guy kind of I don't care, but the kind that makes me feel like shit because I don't feel like shit for failing that test. Is there any way to put value/meaning back into my life? Not the fake kind where you go to college for a bullshit degree that hardly interests or the narcissistic behaviors of self-improvement.

Should I be drinking? Should I get black out drunk and do whatever I want? Do I just let go and hope to find my way back?