Let me just start by saying that I am 22, graduated college in May, and currently am holding a 9am-5pm job.

I was dating this girl for 3 years, she is 2 years younger than me, and she is unlike any of the typical bullshit american girls I have ever met. She was almost submissive in a way, some of my earliest regrets looking back was how I scolded her for joining a Sorority because I didnt want her to become a slut. I would yell at her for tiny little things because I was insecure. When in reality, this poor girl was just trying to make friends. Sounds like Oneitis I know, but she was a foreigner before living in America so that can attest to why she is unlike the party shallow type.

My senior year of college was complete shit, almost got kicked out of college for some mischief, classes were INSANELY difficult, almost failed a course for each of my two semesters in college and woulda had to stay an extra year, and depression also runs in my family so that didnt help.

It was the hardest time I have ever been through during the course of our relationship, and my biggest mistake. I BROKE FRAME. Boy oh boy did I break frame. I practically stayed in my dorm all day and just smoked weed, most of my friends had already left/failed outta college. I was pretty fucking lonely, and my girlfriend wouldnt visit me as much because she was busy with her sorority life or didnt have gas money.The worst of it all was she caught me on Tinder talking to some girls, NOT because I was cheating on her, but because this was back when Tinder was getting popular and "everyone had it", I don't regret installing the app and checking it out, but I do regret staying on the app getting any positive reassurance I could get.

SO fucking low of me, depression makes you do stupid things. In April I eventually asked her, why she didn't support me in my time of need when I always supported her, which she replied "Ive lost the spark". I broke up with her out of insecurity and I feel that was the biggest mistake ever because I could have worked on things and waited out till I was done with college.

I tryed to talk to her in August and she completely turned her back on me, she would not talk to me at all and would be incredibly hostile when we talked. We couldnt even hold a convo without her going hysterical.

I fucked up so bad. I was always a good boyfriend until shit hit the fan, then I would turn into an asshole. It is weird though because I KNOW she knows the real me. She knows I would never cheat on her, (I chased after her 2 years in high school before she finally became my gf).

It has been a month and we have not talked because I want to give her space. I am on a new medication for my depression which is working wonders. I was planning on proposing to this girl after she graduated and I would have accumulated some good money.

My parents know I fucked up, as she was the best girl me or my brother have ever brought home. I have had other girlfriends and I didnt care as much when we ended as opposed to this. I am massively in love with this girl. I would wait as long as it took for her, but I am completely in the dark now. It's been a month since we talked and a month I've been at my new job. I can barely focus at work sometimes.

I am terrified that when this girl looks back on our relationship, she will only look back at the last year we dated. Which was HELL for the both of us. The first 2 years of us dating were the happiest years of my life. I am scared that she hates me, and that I have become a textbook example.