Wife disrespected me--did I abuse her?

pupplenupple · 2014-07-11T16:49:03+00:00

*She says you can't use these gloves to pull those deadly nightshade or you'll get the poison on your hands.

I tell her they're fine and I'm comfortable doing it.*

At this point I'd probably have pointed out why I preferred them and asked her why she thought they wouldn't do the job well enough. Then we could talk about the work and the gloves. Obviously she has an opinion on this practical matter, she's probably wrong if she doesn't go pulling up poison nightshade herself all that often, but one day in a similar situation she might be right, she might know something about the situation you don't. Get in the habit of listening.

If you want her to be a First Mate, treat her like one. If she declares something a problem, listen until you understand why she sees it as a problem.

niczar · 2014-07-11T12:59:38+00:00

She tries to move away. I grab one of the gloves in her hand.

You're playing her stupid game. She's doing this to get you riled up, and she's succeeding as best she could. It's one of those times where the only correct answer is to just ignore it.

I tell her she's an idiot and a fucking child and she must be some sort of social retard if she thinks throwing someone's property in the toilet qualifies as an extension of a joke. I tell her if she thinks I'm staying with someone who does this she's fucking nuts.

You're not maintaining frame. Also it probably would be better if you were not so explicit. You could say: "I'm very disappointed in you" instead of threatening to leave her, because the more you repeat that threat and you don't act on it, the more she won't believe it and she will disrespect you more and more.

She tries through various methods to talk to me, to argue, to say that I was the abuser and she was mad at how I handled the situation.

Well even though she's responsible for it, she's got a point. I might even go as far as to say that she was really doing this jokingly, albeit in a perverse way; I've met people like that. They tease people jokingly but they're so excited by the reaction they get that they don't stop. You played into this by not maintaining frame.

She finally says that she thinks I should sleep on the couch tonight.

"No, I will sleep in my bed. You can sleep on the couch if that's what you want." End of discussion.

I think you've got someone with cluster B tendencies on your hands. It's really tough to handle. You need to be absolutely rock solid and not get your emotions be triggered so easily, because that's what they feed on. If you can't, you should hit the eject button ASAP, because she's going to ruin your life.

bicepsblastingstud · 2014-07-11T15:00:14+00:00

If a child was playing these games -- trying to grab your shit and run away, throwing stuff in the toilet -- would you start being all "you're an idiot, go fuck yourself, don't talk to me, I'll leave you"?

No. A firm, cool-headed tone is needed.

"Give me the gloves or go do it yourself."

If she keeps fucking with you, it's not like you can send her to her room or put her in the corner, so you get up and leave, without saying anything. Come back later.

GunsGermsAndSteel · 2014-07-11T13:30:54+00:00

My friend, you need a motorcycle. When my wife pulls these wifely shit tests, it's difficult for her to argue with "braaaaaaaaaap" as I ride away into a rather lovely sunset.

Title	Wife disrespected me--did I abuse her?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	20
Comments	20
Date	July 11, 2014 12:27 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/2af55n/wife_disrespected_medid_i_abuse_her/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/wife-disrespected-me-did-i-abuse-her.194991 https://theredarchive.com/post/194991

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