Been married for two years now, wife still doesn't have a full time job. Any attempts to push her in a particular direction result in subtle rebellion, but it's not like she knows what she wants or is happy with her current situation. I got sick of paying for everything, so I cut all the wants out of the budget and now we split the needs based on relative incomes (usually about 90/10). While that's basically plugged the hole on my end, I was hoping that being broke would provide her some motivation to actually find a job. It hasn't. Next steps are probably downsizing the house and lowering our expenses - I want to retire really early and she seems content to be poor, so it seems like there's no point in me continuing working to pay for an expensive house that's just taking years off my retirement.

Mostly it just seems like she's stuck in some sort of infinite loop. No introspection on her situation, never finds the time to read any books that would help (still has time to watch TV!) and I'm avoiding giving her advice since it's probably counter-productive. I've been doing my best to not get frustrated over the lack of progress and praise her when she accomplishes something.

In bed, it's similar. She doesn't take instruction but doesn't want to take any initiative either. Around the house I'm getting worn out from having to deal with everything of significance myself. Any task that's assigned to her requires frequent prodding and endless requests for direction.

Putting my foot down doesn't help much so I don't use it. She'll comply, but it's basically panic mode for her and she makes dumb, shortsighted choices. Fear is a terrible motivator in any event, I want her to enjoy what she does and do what she enjoys.

As for myself, I've been greatly increasing my SMV over the past few years. I'm actively pursuing and achieving major personal goals. I'm in the best shape of my life and more attractive than ever. I had really hoped that this would result in her stepping up her game (at least in terms of appearance) but it doesn't seem to have the desired effect. Don't get me wrong, I can sense the instability but it's not pushing her to improve herself.

In any event, this isn't a Captain / First Mate relationship at all. It's more like Captain / Useless Deckhand.

On the plus side I'm getting all the sex I want, she's really affectionate and she'd make a fun mom for future kids. She's also making progress somewhat, albeit at a much slower pace than I'm improving. I'm not ready to walk away from this relationship, but I'm certainly thinking about what sort of criteria it needs to meet for me not to pull the plug eventually.

I'm taking responsibility for what's going on here - I must not be providing the right environment or my leadership is lacking. I've never dealt with this before - previous women have either been submissive or self driving. I don't know how to deal with someone that is neither.

Feel free to ask for clarification, can't put it all in a single post.

What am I doing wrong here?