I have been reading and putting into practice many of the things from this subreddit but I wanted to share something hugely important I learned last night.

Background: Married 12 years, 33 M 31 F wife. We have had a rocky road but I see now that was mostly my fault for being a needy whiny weak man. I have been losing weight, upgrading my wardrobe, working on our home without seeking approval and doing well at emotional control and passing shit tests. That brings us to last night.

Keep in mind I have been a wreck for years and have cried in front of my wife more times than I can count. I have childhood abuse issues I have been dealing with for years and made her suffer for it. So I had not tried to seek her comfort or emotional validation the entire week. That's like a record for me. We have some wine and sit in our hot tub. Lots of flirting and sexy talk. Then we go to bed. I should have grabbed her and taken over but I'm still learning. She gets on her phone. I get a little pissy about that and pout some. Then I try to talk about our insecurities(I know guys I'm dumb but learning). She of course doesn't care or what to talk about it then. This upset me but I didn't tell her. I worked myself mentally into the same old feminine emotional upset state. Well I didn't want her to see me like that so I got up to go to our guest bathroom. She said "Where you going?" I said "To blow my nose." Got to the bathroom and lost it. Crying like a little girl I said "God why is this so hard. What am I supposed to be learning." I heard in my mind "To control your emotions". That was a lightbulb moment. Dried my tears up went back to the bedroom. Laid there a minute while she looked at Facebook. Then in the dark she said "What wrong with you?". I said "Nothing is wrong with me." Like she was crazy for asking.

We laid there a second more in silence. Then she jumped my bones and we had the best sex of our entire marriage. 45 minutes with me getting off twice ending in an intense mutual orgasm. Filthy stuff coming out of her mouth that I never heard before. She said afterwards "That's the hardest we ever came together."

Lesson learned. She needs me to be emotionally stable and sexually aggressive. I have a great wife. She is a super successful professional and a good Mother. My friends love her. My family loves her. I thought I was loving her before. I wasn't. I was being a needy weak Husband. She really likes the new guy.

This is real. Do the work and you'll see results.