So I'm mister bigshot lately. Feeling pretty good about myself. Been spoon fed some delicious humility here before, so I figured I should share a bowl full that I served myself today.

I've been using sex as a measure stick. Problem here is that it made sex way too big a focus. It also put me into her frame. You guys helped me see that I gotta keep my eye on the ball. Gotta work on me, for me. I've doubled down on that effort.

But today however, I'm going out of my way to make sure a double date situation goes well. She's more emotionally invested than me. I have lots of friends. But It's important to her so I go all out. It was fun. Now night comes. And I'm getting ready for bed. She makes mention of my plans for Monday (irrelevant to story) and tries to make it into an argument. I'm dissapointed by this. I look at her and say "Really?" She knows it's s dead end so walks away saying "It's fine".

WTF? So I'm sitting there on the couch thinking, why she gotta piss on me after all I did for her today. That's when it hit me. I may not be doing covert contacts for sex anymore (that I'm aware of), but fuck it appears I'm going outta my way to make her happy with a hidden hope she'll be cool.

Anywhoo. Splash of cold water. Internalizing things further. Stop investing in her. Invest in me, and let the overflow shower down on her. Not the other way around.

Update: Wrote this when I went to bed last night. This morning I woke up to her jumping my bones. She apologized for being a shithead (her words) afterwards. She explained that she was tired from a fun day and acted like a jerk. Apologized. I shrugged and said it was a fun day, and that it was a nice quiet night fir me to wind down.

I'm thinking my behavior lately had afforded me some room. But i still walked away with a lesson. Stop focusing on her happiness and work on the shit tests.

Thanks guys.