My edit blew away this post so correcting that now.

I'm super new to the pill but I wanted to share some early observations.

Compared to so much that I've read here, I have a pretty fantastic marriage. My life aligns pretty well with MRP practices. I own so much shit in my life. My kids are on point, respect and love me to death. I have a great social life; my wife has no problem when I go out with the boys which I do often (weeklyish). So much so, that I give other married friends shit because to get them out it requires a 2 week heads up for a play date. I drive a fun car I want even though my wife doesnt like it, so what, IDGAF. I have a fun job I love where I'm satisfied and I excel. In fact my marriage is actually great by most standards; we get along really well, kick ass parents, friendly and rarely fight much.

So what brought me here? Sex, what else. My sex life is in the shitter like so many of you. The wife is a knock out. Since having kids she's lost more weight than ever (sub 120lb). Me on the other hand, life long chubby guy and yo yo dieter, am not. I'm definitely not unfuckable and am confident enough to know I could go out and get sex from decent girls if I wanted. But I prefer to fix my own house before taking that route.

My breaking point was recently when I went through the usual "want to have sex?" Beta pleading bullshit routine. Wife gives me the sad placating unenthusiastic "fine." I get annoyed and force a conversations about where we are at sexually. She tells me that she loves me, we're great together and have great kids, but she's not in love me. She's not attracted to me and doesn't desire sex with me. If I wanted to get it elsewhere she would be cool with that.

While this is pre-pill, I actually maintained some level of frame after hearing that. It may have been the little buzz I had going (weekend and indulging in some scotch for the night) or the fact that I was burned out from the old routine. But I was not angry or even really sad. I think this came across. I told her I really wasn't interested in that but I accepted her statement with neither approval or rejection. She proceeded to ask me for sex (probably guilt) but seemed generally more willing than usual. Still not great sex but felt better than usual.

I found the pill after finally turning to the internet for solutions. it resonated so much with me. I already agree with so many principles as I am satisfied in much of my life and live not far off form the red pill way.

What really struck a chord was identifying all of the covert contracts I was making. Recognizing I was rarely considering my own needs or true internal happiness and satisfaction. Validating myself through my career, wife, kids, etc and self medicating with too much porn and masterbation. The lightswitch totally went on. This is not at all about my sex life but my inability to see myself honestly.

Truly eye opening. I have continued in the weight loss which started before the pill. I no longer tell the wife every timeI lose a lb for some sort of bs validation or covert contract for sex. I've started working out during times we generally spend together after putting the kids down. Sorry you can wait for me. This is more important than dumb tv time. And I don't expect se as a reward for this behavior either. And creating minor tensions when I feel shit tests are happening.

I am doing these things to satisfy myself and not seeking recognition for body change. Its making me feel good. This is the key for me. I'm not concerned about the sex life too much right now. I need to be worthy of my beautiful wife's affection and I need to feel worthy and work on myself a bit. But either way I'm feeling really good. Maybe its placebo but I feel some response from my wife.

So why the wall of text? After reading NMMNG I tried to invite a couple friends that desperately could use a change as "safe partners" but bullshit excuses ensued. So I'm turning here for some accountability and motivation to not fuck up and stay the course. And also to say that this is good shit no matter what state your marriage is in. You will feel better if you open your eyes to masculinity and consciousness.

Thanks guys.