When To Apologize

whinemoreplease · 2015-09-10T00:38:46+00:00

Try "I said something I shouldn't have. You have every right to be disappointed in me."

mabden · 2015-09-10T12:26:59+00:00

Take a look at The Art of the Apology on the Wild Man Project website.

2015-09-10T13:49:10+00:00

"Yeah, that was shitty"

"Yeah, I was being a jerk and took it out on you."

You know , for a while I just thought about the apology thing as a power play. I don't apologize therefor I appear stronger. But that was a base and stupid way to view it.

If apologies were what they purport to be, then I don't think it'd be a beta trait. So what makes it so beta and why does eliminating them from our vernacular actually improve our relationships?

A real man can identify when he did something wrong and acknowledge the lapse. In doing so it indicates it's something you know you need to improve and will work on.

IMO apologies are what you say to appease.

One can just say "I'm sorry" without really understanding what they did.

Acknowledgement immediately conveys you understood what you did was wrong and a lapse.

My kid can know they're in trouble and just say "I'm sorry" to get out of punishment. It's why we ask "Do you know what you did wrong?" Half the time they don't or weren't paying attention. So what's more important? That they give lip service or know what they did so they don't do it again.

I think it's why the real alpha indicator is a statement of acknowledgement and self-awareness.

2015-09-10T01:39:40+00:00

So if you want to apologize - do so. decide if this was bad enough to warrant it. Are you asking for permission ?

BluepillProfessor · 2015-09-10T01:54:10+00:00

"OOOH sweety, you know why I say things like that even though I love you? There is a very good reason. I am an asshole...."

Redneck001 · 2015-09-10T01:25:39+00:00

Mistakes were made.

I accept responsibility.

RBuddDwyer · 2015-09-10T12:07:06+00:00

"Mistakes were made..."

2015-09-10T13:29:06+00:00

I don't apologize. However I do change.

Instead of "I'm sorry" I will say "here's how I'm changing x" and then I'll fucking do it.

The only exemption is extreme emotional circumstances such as death or severe damage to a family or friends. That's lip service, however you being present portrays the message clearly.

Act. Don't speak.

mrpCamper · 2015-09-10T19:04:26+00:00

I don't think it would work in this situation but I have gone with the following.

"I'm disappointed with the way I handled X and will be more cognizant of how to handle the situation in the future."

I felt like I was owning up to what I did and stated that she can expect better BECAUSE I expect better of myself.

castlecrasher2 · Thu Sep 10 12:33:49 2015 UTC

I don't understand why the phrases "I'm sorry" and "I apologize" are such taboo around here.

Your frame is what matters, not your words. Own your mistakes, address them, then move on.

bogeyd6 · 2015-09-10T14:23:41+00:00

Notice the key point is never apologize. Especially when you are wrong. Always frame it in a way that you have let yourself down, not her.

Title	When To Apologize
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	5
Comments	39
Date	September 9, 2015 11:23 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/3kbe22/when_to_apologize/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/when-to-apologize.201071 https://theredarchive.com/post/201071

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