Taking charge of the vaction, and a MRP wedding.

RPAlternate42 · 2015-06-22T23:05:55+00:00

Abstract

You want to go to Tahoe to have the wedding you envisioned for yourself, recently, that you feel you missed out on back then.

This wedding is to include jet skis and beaches, and horse rides, and nature, and the like followed by gambling, and cocktails.

Based on this comment:

I will post an After Action Report after this is all said and done. I'll measure my success in BJs and porn star sex.

I expect you that you expect sex from her.

My Perceptions

You want this wedding, that you only recently envisioned, due to your "enlightenment" of RP. This is reactionary behavior. This type of reaction is up there with "Why haven't I been getting all the sex I should have been getting?" that DB guys complain about after a month in RP. This sort of reactionary behavior smacks of the anger phase.

You seem to be wanting to go back to get a do-over for the thing you missed. This is a very involved way of coming back to an argument you wanted to have with someone 5 years ago just to prove that you were right; just to make sure your side was heard; after 5 years of rehearsing that great, debate-ending, rhetoric you've planned. In your head this is the thing to end all things. This sort of thing is anger-phase behavior.

You also seem to want to hit some kind of over-rehearsed reset button for your marriage. This is your way of controlling the thing that started the marriage; that thing you lost control of 5 years ago.

I think you may have it in your head that doing the wedding your way will set the tone for the rest of the marriage.

In short: You are creating a giant covert contract.

You know the stereotype of women throwing a fit when the wedding doesn't go her way? That's you after the fact when your marriage doesn't change following this big to-do. The wedding doesn't make the marriage. Your actions in the marriage make the marriage.

My Recommendations

Get rid of the wedding part. The wedding is over. The marriage is in place. Inasmuch as I hate the "princess for a day" bullshit I hate the "Hero for a day" bullshit too. Women like weddings because all the attention is on her. This wedding is going to be a masturbatory effort on your part; self-serving, self-indulging, and self-validating, only it requires her participation. Lose the wedding part. Lose the proposal thing too.
"Romantic" is not something that should be in your head. "Romantic" as men are told is not "Romantic" as women know it. "Romance" to women is about getting a wet pussy and a chest flush from being around a man because he acts like a man. This wedding thing is woman's work because a wedding is absolutely about the woman; it's an attention-seeking device. Weddings in marriage 1.0 were designed to be in front of the whole tribe or village because then everyone know who belonged to whom. If someone saw that your wife was walking out of Chad's house, everyone would soon know that your wife was fucking around on you because everyone knows you are married. Weddings in M-2.0 are attention-seeking princess parties designed to flaunt wealth that no one has.
The activities are fine. You are planning all of these things for you. That's fine, as long as your frame (your reality) is that you will be doing these things alone, and she is welcome to join you. I suggest asking her if there is anything she would like to do, once you are in Tahoe. This plays to comfort.
Think of the weekend as a "date trip." The situation is primed for it: no kid, seclusion, nice views, late nights, cocktails, thrill of gambling, dancing, etc. Treat it as if you are on a getaway with a girl you have been "seeing" and are considering making an LTR. Treat the trip like a trip that tests her meddle in the long term. Use the time to push everything you have into 'gina tingles.

In summation

You are creating a covert contract for your entire marriage through the use of a masturbatory wedding trip. You are going to end up being disappointed because she isn't going to change because you re-proposed or re-vowed. Instead, use your actions as a man and a husband to change her behavior.

jacktenofhearts · 2015-06-22T22:26:34+00:00

At dinner I plan to initiate my first do over. When I proposed it was the sappiest, most BP "will you make me the happiest man of earth" bullshit I could think of. Everytime I remember it I cringe. Honestly I'm not 100% on what I'll say yet but it WILL be different than last time.

I don't understand this. If you had spent your whole life squelching some burning desire to say some Red Pill-esque words regarding commitment/marriage, then I could see why you'd want to do something like thus. But you don't. You just don't like this idea of your Blue Pill past, and how it "polluted" significant moments in your marriage. I can understand how, if you could go back in time, you'd want something of a "do-over." But your plans here to re-propose and renew your vows won't be accomplishing a do-over.

Your actual activity plans sound great. Just stick with those and make sure you execute. You want your wife to respect you as Captain, and I can tell you she'll respect you infinitely more if you run your vacation like a well-oiled, thrill-generation machine. Your wife seems more than happy to defer to you for the logistical planning, so step up and just focus on having a kickass vacation doing the things you want to do.

I honestly believe that this is the best way the solidify and celebrate the changes taking place within myself and how it will frame my new relationship.

You can still recognize the five year anniversary. But I'd just limit it to the uniform/white dress idea, for example. If you have a heartfelt renewal of your vows, but then fuck up dinner reservations later than night because you forgot some logistical element, then you're not "solidifying" anything. You're just setting up your wife to nag you about shit like: "Why didn't you confirm we had our reservation tonight? Did they call you to confirm? Which phone number did you leave with them? Why would you leave our home landline phone number when you knew we'd be here? Nag, nag, nag..."

Is she going to be sympathetic if you respond, "yeah, OK, I screwed it up, I was trying to plan everything else too, including renewing our vows!" No, not really. At best she'll just kind of grunt and roll her eyes and wonder why her Captain can't confirm a goddamn dinner reservation, and regret trusting you to plan so much of this vacation.

One idea I'd like to propose regarding your mindset: I have quite a few friends who served in the armed forces, and they seem very big on "milestones." My theory that everything in the military basically revolves around concrete objectives. Everything is done with specific criteria in mind to qualify success. Hard work and effort results in concrete promotions and awards to recognize the achievement.

If this is how you've operated professionally, then you should ask yourself whether Red Pill fits cleanly in this paradigm. I don't think it does, which is why I think the idea of "solidifying and celebrating the changes taking place" is unnecessary. I would love it if I could have a respected third-party descend on me and my wife, give an inspirational speech, and then conclude, "I now declare this an Officially Red Pill marriage." But that's not really how it works, is it?

Your wife already wants you to be her Captain, and is willing to recognize you as such. The best way to respond is to be her Captain, not think about ways you can give yourself a promotion-to-Captain ceremony.

JonnyJaded · 2015-06-22T21:51:27+00:00

One part of me wants to scream that this seems pretty fucking grand gestureish and I hope that you're going to stay OI when/if it doesn't go how you hope... the other part is thinking okay, I see how this is "selfish" (as in you're not doing it for her) and that's cool but it's not going to magically erase the "make me the happiest guy in the world" shit you said before AND I think that every woman wants a guy to say that shit (no, really) but they want him to be an alpha badass who she isn't ever really sure means it, but she definitely wants that kind of charming shit SAID... it just depends on how you say it (obviously when YOU said it it came off needy/pathetic, but you can't change that now.. but if you turn into this guy maybe her memory of that will kind of change with how she sees you)

anyway, good luck - my personal take is "just have a great vacation and let the past go," but I understand your POV here.

RPMav · 2015-06-23T00:48:53+00:00

Super solid advice here, your expectations are completely out of control. I am glad you posted because hopefully you will correct things in time, but ideally you should only post this as a field report when it works or doesn't, you are basically reviewing your vacation plans in advanced with us, not a lot of value in that.

BluepillProfessor · 2015-06-23T01:01:42+00:00

There are no do-overs and this has covert contract all Over it. On Mrp we don't really support getting married the first time and the second you propose is horribly cringeworthy. Go on the vacation. Lead. Have a ball but don't do a replay of a cringeworthy proposal. If she mentions it was where you proposed play cool and gaslight her how it was the most romantic whatever. Your new life is here don't go backwards.

Show her how it is different.

Actus non verba.

battery_licker · 2015-06-22T21:43:16+00:00

I would be incredibly careful about this if I were you. Rollo and Heartiste both talk about the fact that women do not appreciate romance, especially if it is clearly planned in advance.

Don't be surprised if you plan a thoughtful, romantic trip only to be let disappointed when she doesn't appreciate the obvious effort that went into it.

Title	Taking charge of the vaction, and a MRP wedding.
Author	JonnyJaded
Upvotes	6
Comments	19
Date	June 22, 2015 9:05 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/3ar5ys/taking_charge_of_the_vaction_and_a_mrp_wedding/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/taking-charge-of-the-vaction-and-a-mrp-wedding.201638 https://theredarchive.com/post/201638

Comments

Abstract

My Perceptions

My Recommendations

In summation