Finally found my place

IanIronwood · 2015-01-13T18:18:50+00:00

First, I'm happy that my little blog was helpful to you. That's why it's there. It's very gratifying to read this sort of thing about it.

Now, on to your questions:

I'd advise not saying anything until you are completely washed out. This will require even more discipline to maintain frame, as your emotions will be all over the place and you'll be tempted to emote. Resist that temptation. Stoic resolve and silence, as much as possible. Once you've washed out and had a week or so clean, you can mention it to your wife. Anxiety comes from uncertainty. Investment in TRP removes uncertainty. If you're pretty certain what course you are on, then all you have to concern yourself with are issues which you have little or no control over. If you can't control it, then anxiety about it is misplaced. This gets easier over time and is involved with your over-all level of confidence.
My kids were more or less raised with a RP dad for the last four years. They think it's fine - but then, they haven't hit the adolescent "EVERYTHING I'VE EVER BEEN TOLD IS A LIE!" stage yet, so . . .
Mrs. Ironwood didn't fight it, exactly, but I was never confrontational about it. But then we didn't have severe issues going into it. She still doesn't agree with my position on some of this, but she's acknowledged the valuable service this praxeology has been to both me personally and to my family overall.
"I'm not that guy anymore. I'm this guy."

Big band music - prefeminist musings about love and relationships, all very RP yet wholesome and socially acceptable. Plus you can play it around your kids without worrying about bad words or explicit sex.

Part of this process is reinventing yourself, so I'd counsel some fundamental but minor element of your physical appearance to remind yourself you ain't Beta Boy anymore. Perhaps facial hair (grow it if you shave, shave it if you grow), a radical hairstyle, a shift in wardrobe.

A bit of ritual helps, too. Develop little routines that help keep you in frame. Sometimes this can help strengthen your resolve when you have doubts, other times it can be a comfortable place to reflect and be introspective. If you start every day by kissing your wife thoroughly before you speak to her, for example, that is going to have an effect.

Buy a hat. Doesn't matter what kind, buy one that looks good and that you can use as a means of "putting on" your captaincy, if you require it. It's a useful prop, makes you look taller, and it can function as a subtextual signal in a thousand helpful ways. When you're wearing that hat, you're speaking from the depths of male paternal authority.

It would help if I knew the specific issues and tests she's throwing at you. What kind of blow-back are you getting?

nopbeentheredonethat · 2015-01-13T13:24:42+00:00

4) What helps you maintain frame around someone you had been severely BP around before entering LTR. I have experienced progress but would like your insights.

One the thing that you HAVE to do is to become outcome independent. There is no other way about it. Our wife know us better than ourselves and they will smell ours bluff in a instant.

So what is the solution?

Simple, don't bluff!

Figure out what you need out of your marriage to be happy and be willing to let it go if you don't see it happening. Yeah that's right you have to be ready in your heart to let you marriage go. When you have achieve this, your whole outlook on your marriage and the power dynamic with your wife will change and you will have no problem holding frame.

2) How have your kids taken to you taking TRP?

Very well I have 4 boys at home 14 -12 -11 -9. For them they can see that me and my wife love each other very much (kino and demonstration of affection). We flirt, we tease each other, we work as a team and me the dad is leading the family and we have lot's of sex ( they are old enough to know that). There's is nothing more reassuring for children than to see their parent being in love.

1) For those of you who have done away with anxiety meds and are in a LTR, how did you tell your other you did this without them flipping out over it?

I cannot speak from experience about anxiety medication But I can talk to you about lying. You don't need to hide who you are anymore. You can do this. Stop being afraid of your wife judgment (This is why outcome independence is so important)

3) For those of you married and hopelessly BP before swallowing TRP. Did your wife fight it every step of the way, did she even realize it, how do you handle the questions of so you just woke up one day and bam, changed...

Well there will be a change in the power dynamic. You being more independent from her and being a leader is going to get some time to adjust. You will have to earn that trust by applying RP principal and by dosing Alpha and beta behaviour (Mainly comfort). She is your wife and showing her that you love her is one of the best way to calm her own insecurity. Yes you can be aloof and a more independent, even applying some level of dread (If you need to) but when she is freaking out you have to demonstrate that you do love her and that your are committed to her.... but that this love IS NOT unconditional.

Good luck and take care. I have been married for 21 years and I have been on the "Pill" for the last 6 month. I have just found the right balance of A/B and life is great at home.

alpha_n3rd · 2015-01-13T14:20:48+00:00

1) For those of you who have done away with anxiety meds and are in a LTR, how did you tell your other you did this without them flipping out over it? I have not told my wife I stopped taking it and she has not noticed as of yet, was curious about others experiences.

Did you talk to your doc about stopping them? Some of those pills can be dangerous to quit cold turkey.

You could just tell her. The longer you wait the more distrustful she will be when she finds out. And besides, who fucking cares what she thinks about it?

Or don't tell her and when she finds out be like "yeah I stopped taking them forever ago." and if she gives you flak treat it as a shit test and change the subject.

2) How have your kids taken to you taking TRP?

No noticeable change. They were pretty good to begin with and I've always been the strict parent.

3) For those of you married and hopelessly BP before swallowing TRP. Did your wife fight it every step of the way, did she even realize it, how do you handle the questions of so you just woke up one day and bam, changed...

I wouldn't say that I was ever hopelessly BP, but I've turned up the alpha pretty significantly since swallowing TRP. Also I was away on business for two weeks during my initiation phase and I didn't apply it till I got back. So it's not like she woke up one day and I was different, I came back from a business trip two weeks later and I was different.

For the most part I think she's really liking it. She seems to enjoy sex more and generally seems happier and more motivated. I got a little bit of flak. She started witholding BJs at one point and I cut affection. She said "You're training me like a dog" which I completely ignored. After another denied BJ I left the bedroom and went to the kitchen to fix a snack. Because I was hungry. She said "What are you doing to me?" and I replied with a big smile "Fixing myself a snack" which was literally true. BJs resumed shortly.

4) What helps you maintain frame around someone you had been severely BP around before entering LTR. I have experienced progress but would like your insights.

I like to visualize RP advice like "Hold frame" and "Don't get angry" and "A&A". Also I try to slow down and think about what I'm going to say before I say it. I have a habit of saying too much. Silence is golden.

castlecrasher2 · 2015-01-13T15:16:40+00:00

Re: question 1) I was on adderall for a few years and my initial TRP adjustments included dropping it cold turkey. After a few weeks she noticed the bottle disappeared and I hadn't gone to get a refill so she asked and all I said was "I'm not taking it anymore."

You don't have to tell her about it unless she asks. Keep It Simple, Stupid: if you are capable of handling it without her help and it won't affect her, you don't have to proclaim the change. If she asks, tell it like it is: "I don't need it anymore." That's it.

BluepillProfessor · 2015-01-13T15:24:09+00:00

Anxiety meds: You can rebound big time with these and it is not a good idea to stop taking them all at once without medical advice. I would see your doctor before you do this. As you may have found, getting in shape and lifting is every bit as helpful as the anxiolytics- without the withdrawal.
Kids: My older boy decided he was an uber Alpha and "The Prize" once I told him some of the theories. He loves it.
Some guys report their wife fights it, some report they cooperated. ALL report they were shit tested over and over again until they showed they could maintain this new frame. Most women respond very well once they see genuine changes. When you get muscles, get in shape, and start being assertive they will Shit Test. When you start using your new assertion to protect the wife and handle problems they come around quickly.
Don't be schizophrenic with your changes. Slow and steady. The Frame you are building is the REAL you (TM) so it becomes harder to NOT maintain frame than to maintain it. Like Timba said: "You gotta put your behind in your past and Hakuna Matata."

Or maybe it was Rafiki with the important message:

Adult Simba: I know what I have to do. But going back means I'll have to face my past. I've been running from it for so long.

[Rafiki hits Simba on the head with his stick]

Adult Simba: Ow! Jeez, what was that for?

Rafiki: It doesn't matter. It's in the past.

[laughs]

Adult Simba: Yeah, but it still hurts.

Rafiki: Oh yes, the past can hurt. But from the way I see it, you can either run from it, or... learn from it.

[swings his stick again at Simba, who ducks out of the way]

Rafiki: Ha. You see? So what are you going to do?

spexer · 2015-01-13T15:49:20+00:00

I have introduced red pill into my marriage for about 6 months now - my observations:

This is mostly an adventure in redefining yourself. Becoming the leader of the family again, without asking has been so successful for me.
red pill can help you with your wife's attraction, but having her attracted to you and love you are two different things. I balance blue pill/comfort to keep the love strong.
Easiest steps that have has had the biggest effect, the more consistent I have been with them:

stop apologizing.
stop asking questions.
stop explaining.
Dont talk about it, do it.
LEAD
Work hard on the family plans so you can LEAD. ((Take charge of where to go to dinner, 2015 family vacations, future retirement, when to renovate the bathroom.))
reward the behavior that you want.
proudly express your desire, and hit on her often without remorse
go primal caveman in bed - focused on what you want
Be impressed with yourself, and how great you are. this is you putting out there your greatness and confidence. "Fake it to you make it" works!

lycanthr0py · 2015-01-13T13:20:25+00:00

It's good that you got off the anxiety meds man, or that you are getting off. Those things are bad and if you can go without them, do. I myself have only been married a year (together five) and I am an experiment since I was always somewhat rp, now I just know what I am doing and don't slip up. I'm going to make a long post at some point about my relationship and how RP has changed it. It's hard for me to give you guys advice that have been married a long while.

I think the attitude you are taking towards your boys is wonderful and I am proud myself to have a father that is like how you want to be.

My tip is that you should take up meditation and deep breathing excercises several times a day. It's a great practice that helps with calmness (maintaining frame) and also will help you mitigate anxiety. If you can't do this, guided audio meditations are great to to start out.

Do lots of reading! It increases smv little by little, is relaxing, and makes you smarter.

Books I suggest:

NMMNG.

Models by Mark Manson.

King, Warrior, Magician, Lover.

Iron John by Robert Boy.

MMSLP by Athol Kay.

Long days and pleasant nights to you.

Title	Finally found my place
Author	yzeehw
Upvotes	1
Comments	11
Date	January 13, 2015 5:22 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/2s92i5/finally_found_my_place/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/finally-found-my-place.202682 https://theredarchive.com/post/202682

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