It seems to be that standard RP philosophy is against BDSM because its seemed as play, pretend, not real. Having a beginning and an end. At least that's kinda what I've gathered from RP threads regarding BDSM. But I feel the general populations understanding of BDSM is lacking because 24/7 Total Power Exchanges (24/7 TPE) are often overlooked. This hopefully will shed some light on a dynamic that goes hand in hand with RP philosophy.

RP philosophy and BDSM have helped me save my marriage. BDSM has also seemed to have accelerated my RP process. I could be wrong but it's my perception.

This isn't a BDSM how to guide or a list of things I/we do kinda thread. It's another one of my stories about my journey to reclaiming my alpha self.


But how did BDSM help? Well before I explain that, lets back the ol' shit truck up and fill y'all in with some background info.

We were in dead bedroom situation. For over five years. We had sex monthly, if that, but it was so bad it might as well have been masturbation. We ran through the motions but it was mostly a formality. Contributions to our problems were many and solutions were few, or so it seemed.

This isn't about our past. I could go on about it though. Perhaps one day I'll post in depth about it.

Anyways I came across the RP subs. Much like the rest of you poor bastards I was at my wits end. I started reading RP. I mean what could it hurt? I damn near tried everything else. Our marriage counselor was a fucking joke just like all the other advice about sacrificing yourself to your woman to be happy. Reading RP helped me realize some shit and also reminded me of things I seemed to have forgotten over time. I slowly began to internalize and the more that happened the more it externalized. I began to fix shit about myself, physical and mental. This in turn had an effect on the world around me.

Shit started to slowly improve in multiple aspects of our lives and marriage. Then it seemed out of nowhere the woman and I began to like each other again and we even wanted to spend time together again. Hell, she was attracted to me again.

We even started to have sex on a semi regular basis. It was great at first because we hadn't been fucking but something was missing. We were operating on outdated systems, so to speak. Neither of us knew what the other liked anymore. Hell, we probably didn't even know what we liked anymore.

One night we began to talk about our renewed relationship, sex, and how to "start over" and navigate our new situation. I know this probably goes against RP thought. But shit was was improving drastically and neither of us wanted to fall back into the old shitty paradigm.

While talking she said that she was always jealous of 1950's housewives. How a man could afford to raise a family, a mortgage, a vehicle or two, and have his wife stay home on a single income. She is also jealous of Geishas and how they were trained to be a proper and subservient wife. Yeah, fellas, I got me a good RP woman. I just started slacking, fucked up, and she took over the helm.

That sounds great, though, right? She wants to be a good wife. She wants to be subservient. She wants to be a SAHM. But there's a problem with her desire. We need her income. She's a white collar professional and makes in an hour what I make in a day.

Then our conversation switched gears from "ahh wishful thinking," and "wouldn't that be nice" to our sex life. We talked about how it's great but kinda lackluster and how we need to try and wipe the slate clean and wipe the memory boards of old operating systems. Then seemingly out of the blue she says something like "I always liked being tied up, let's explore more BDSM type things." Hell yeah!!!

But where to start? BDSM includes a lot of fucking kinks and fetishes. We needed to find some common ground. So I started reading the FAQ in /r/BDSMcommunity for research among other things. One day there was a thread that contained this. It's a program that shows common kinks after each person fills out the survey.

So we finish the quizzes (we found a few others too) and found matches for a bunch of shit. I was a bit surprised that she wanted to be a sub but the real kicker was that she was interested in trying a 24/7 TPE (total power exchange) as a sub. This means that she was willing to try to fully submit for extended periods of time or at least try out the Dominant/submissive (D/s) dynamic. Before we go too far this does not mean she wanted to be a slave but a Master/slave (M/s) dynamic does fall under the 24/7 TPE umbrella. Bottoms, subs, and slaves are all different. But that's another lesson.

At this point I would have been a fool not to see the road signs. Jealous of 50's wives, jealous of geishas, wanting to be a sub, wanting to try a 24/7 TPE. Shit, she practically wrote her message on a bat and beat me upside the damn head with the mother fucker. All this were just ways of her saying that she wanted to hand over the reins again if I'd step up.

I feel her interest in trying a 24/7 TPE was the major key to our accelerated process. But we didn't start off with a 24/7 TPE and haven't yet reached where we'd like it to be. It's a work in progress.

Starting out was pretty awkward for me. I had low confidence. I also feared of upsetting my woman. There were things that I had tried, wanted to try, and things I've said during sex that'd cause a shit storms in the past. I was weary and treaded lightly waiting for the trap to spring. Well it didn't, hasn't, and won't. I know that now.

Anyways, to ease myself into it I opted for rope play. I'm good with knots and tying my woman up seemed like a good start. To me rope helped symbolize my dominance and control. If during a session I began to slip up, it wasn't as bad because I had a safety net and reminder, the rope. It reminded her of my control when I had to take a moment to get my head back in the game and plan my next move. The woman loved it and wanted more and more extreme. Having her bound allowed me to get use to tossing her around and forcing her into position since she'd have limited to no movement.

Basically I had a similar approach as I did with kissing. I had to force it at first even though I was totally down for it. As stated earlier I was a bit shell shocked about the whole thing and was worried about backlash. I kept at it though and made progress. It also helped that we started fucking and/or played every other night.

Slowly I'd let go more and more. The more I did the more my woman loved it. She kept encouraged me to go further, more dominating, more primitive. She said that when I lost control and was consumed by lust (DEVI) that she loved it and couldn't get enough. Then one night it happened.

I had gotten more comfortable enough with going all DEVI primitive that it just switched on. This night was different, though. Other nights we'd had great sex with all our experimenting slipping in and out of DEVI moments. But this night it's like I just snapped.

While dominating her like a caveman, taking what I wanted and making her do what I wanted, I laid down the new law. I informed her of our renewed dynamic and our roles. That the old alpha had returned and that the beta bitch is dead. I told her what I expected of her and what I would and wouldn't stand for anymore. I also informed her that if she wouldn't satisfy my needs that I'd find a woman or women to do so. I did all this while leading her around by the hair and fucking any hole I wanted. As I did this she got more and more turned on, agreed, and submitted. Hell she even said that she wanted me to fuck other women. She's bi and into cuckqueaning. That's besides the point though.

My alpha self came back with vengeance that night and it was well received in more ways than one. She submitted and has accepted me as her Dom. Since that night things have been great. Not all our sessions are full blown DEVI, but they're good, really good. We're still experimenting and adding more to our D/s dynamic as time goes on.

I hope this helps some of you. Check out BDSM, seriously. It's not all crazy shit. There are lots of common things in vanilla sex that fall into the realm of BDSM that most wouldn't think. It'll help with Variation. Look into 24/7 TPEs. If your woman reads smut think about it. Especially if its those 50 shades books, which are crap BTW and horrible presentations of the BDSM lifestyle. But if she read(s) shit like that you've got the deck stacked in your favor if you can step up to the plate.