Part 5

Thanks again everyone for the encouragement.

Since it is very easy to write a happy clappy story about Red Pill. "I swallowed it and BAM my life is great!". I wanted to write about a few of the... well... interesting side effects.

Mistakes

It is very difficult in marriage to shift your attitude, personality, actions, etc etc without screwing up. It is one thing if you can go home at night, re-group, take a day off of work, whatever to recharge so you can go 100% at work/school/friends. But marriage is 24-7. I also work from home and so does my wife. So when I say 24-7, I mean it.

I have of course made some stellar mistakes. In trying to line up my actions with my internal drive- I have tried a few things with... not so great results.

My wife was in the shower one evening so I went into the bathroom. Grabbed my phone, ripped open the shower curtain, and pretended to take a picture.

My intent was great. I wanted to show her in a strong way that I am attracted to her and ready to get down...

the problem- I just did not pull it off 100%. I think I laughed or had a weird look on my face. My wife said it was more like "Frat boy silly" than sexy. Oops.

Most of my mistakes have been trying to go for something I am not quite at the level to pull just yet. I ended up looking more silly than alpha. So I am working towards keeping things subtle for now.

On the flip side, I told my wife I was joining an MMA gym (a nice legit one is 30 seconds from my house), went, joined, and am jumping in. My wife is quite pumped, impressed, and her respect for me has increased. Subtle things like this are the bread and butter for marriage.

PORN

Something funny happened after swallowing the red pill. My desire to get off via porn diminished. I think it has something to do with my testosterone increasing OR more of the direction of my desire. I want to have legit sex. Human contact. I want my strong sexual desires to be met in a rock awesome way. Porn and masturbation also was more of a stress reliever and anxiety relaxer than horniness. Since I am much more calm, in control, and stress free since RP- I rarely look at porn anymore. I enjoy this side effect as it allows me to focus more energy towards growth instead of relieving stress.

SEX

And the funny stuff. Pre-red pill... we did it maybe once a month. We had some extreme dry spells due to babies, major illness, and well... who wants to have sex with a depressed fatty?

This month- we smashed all records. My wife even grabbed me in the daytime while the kids were watching a movie. Craziness.

BUT she has put in more rules. Its like she is seeing that I am moving towards something else so she grabs on and says no. Example. I said something like "Let's try some things and see what we like." Her response "Let's wait until a few months for the kids to get in a good routine. Then I will be ready for that." hah.

Yeah, what kind of a response is that? But I made a point not to beg or push. I want to pull her towards me. Not push her into anything. So I take a deep breath and say sure. WHAT? My thought process is something like this... If I continue to increase my SMV, she will continue to raise her level in the bedroom and at home. So patience is key.

The ups and downs and ins and outs of marriage are crazy.

I can tell my wife is doing a lot to engage our relationship. She takes time during the day to make sure I know she is thinking of me. Asks if I need things. Does not demand near as much as she used to.

I don't think she has asked me to do more of anything the past 2-3 weeks. Where it was normally a daily occurrence.

I am waiting for the other shoe to drop and for her to freak out one day here. Pessimistic of me maybe?