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Making friends

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November 5, 2018
8 upvotes

Ok, so I don't think there's any way to not sound like a pussy in this post, but I'm kind of at a loss. One of the questions I have seen asked here is "If you had concert tickets (or whatever) and wanted to invite a buddy, how many people could you call up immediately?" My answer is ZERO.

Quick background--I first bumped into red pill ~2 years ago, in my mid-30s. By far best thing I've done since then is starting lifting for the first time in my life. I literally had never touched a barbell before I was 35. It wasn't easy starting from a base of weak skinnyfat, but I'm still improving. Weight 175, height 6'2, maxes over the last month or so benching 185x3, squat 3x270, deadlift 3x300, ohp 2x135. Running 5/3/1. Relationship with wife is not perfect, but honestly, things are good. She's pregnant with our third child, house shit is taken care of (her), yard shit is taken care of (me), sex is far more regular than in the past, even pregnant.

So here's where I am sorely lacking. We moved to a new town and state about 2 years ago. Don't know anybody. Always before I've had friends and family nearby, and always found it easy to make friends through work and school. Now I'm self-employed (started a business, and it's going really well, though still in the early days), so work friendships are out. No old friends from my youth or family connections anywhere nearby. I'm not a churchgoer. I tend to work long hours during the week and I also try to spend my evenings with the kids (two kids under 10, #3 is on the way). My personal hours I've been spending lifting (~4-5 hours a week) at my home gym or running (an hour or two). Weekends are kid activities, house work, job work, etc. I have great work relationships with clients around the country (some of whom I consider friends) Fuck, I feel like I'm already DEERing. Bottom line is that I don't have one male friend within 50 miles. (or more...)

tl;dr, I don't have a single local male friend. I'm clueless as to how to make friends as a busy mid-30s parent. Kinda sucks.


Post Information
Title Making friends
Author NotDeadGettingBetter
Upvotes 8
Comments 7
Date 05 November 2018 03:39 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/203822
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/9ua6px/making_friends/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
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Comments

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

So, you’re the only mid-30’s father within 50 miles?

Where do you live, the fucking Twilight Zone?

Take your kids to the park, the playground, the mall. Unless you are severely autistic, you should be able to connect with any male or female that has one or more children your child’s age.

If it’s a male, great. If it’s a female, great.

Believe it or not, some females still have males in their lives.

Whether you connect directly or indirectly, it doesn’t matter. Either path will get you there.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Join a sports team or a club for an interest or hobby you have. Meetup.com is a good place to start. Also on Facebook there are a million groups for different interests. For example this summer I took up mountain biking. There is a Facebook group for a trail system nearby. I asked a couple questions about the trails and I had 10 people offer to show me around. Another example is local hiking Facebook group. People regularly post in there asking for people to hike with. Extrapolate that for a million other activities and hobbies.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I've been in the same position. Moved to a new city when I was 33, took a job with a small business and only had 3 coworkers (all 60+ years old), and spent most of my free time with the kids.

I spent several years living like that with no real friends within 300 miles. It wasn't until I actively made the effort to meet people that anything actually changed. Take one night a week and make it yours, and use that time to pursue an interest that will put you around other people. Doesn't matter what it is, as long as you're engaging and somewhat socially intelligent, you'll start to at least make acquaintances (some of which develop into friendships).

[–]bear_helper_171 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Home gym is great, but consider going to a proper gym or a community center gym or YMCA gym. Take the family to a class or pool at the community center and use the gym while there. Don't concentrate on making friends just interact with people. A simple Hi or good morning. Then if the conversation flows, "I am (name) nice to meet you". Just try to get some names and meet people. If it goes real well and you see them regularly then get contact info an plan lunch or an event or whatever. Its a numbers game, you have to be around people. good luck. Join the school PTA????

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You train at a woman's only gym? Are you transgender?

All jokes aside, you wrote out a bunch of reasons why you CANNOT make friends. With a mindset like that you will always fail. Work your way backwards from it working. Read the 7 habits of highly effective people.

Make friends at the gym. Focus on being intrested in people.

Fuckin home gym. Never mind.

Reading comprehension fail.

Leave your house, use thoes hours better.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Volunteer service clubs are usually a good way to go. Although, many of the folks there are only members to make more contacts for their business. Lots of finance, insurance, realtors, etc. However, there are also many older retired folks who do it to give back. I am a member of several and keep very busy. Usually I look for the easy ones where I don't have to memorize a bunch of stuff to join, ala The Masons, Elks, Moose, etc. The Rotary club is pretty good, along with most Chambers of Commerce. Museums are often looking for volunteers on their various boards etc. As for me, the one I like most is Optimist International. There aren't many around and membership is at an all time low, but if you live near or in Canada they are pretty popular. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Optimist_International

  • "To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.
  • To talk health, happiness and prosperity to every person you meet.
  • To make all your friends feel that there is something in them.
  • To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.
  • To think only of the best, to work only for the best, and to expect only the best.
  • To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.
  • To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
  • To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile.
  • To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others.
  • To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble."

[–]FunCicada-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Optimism is a mental attitude reflecting a belief or hope that the outcome of some specific endeavor, or outcomes in general, will be positive, favorable, and desirable. A common idiom used to illustrate optimism versus pessimism is a glass filled with water to the halfway point: an optimist is said to see the glass as half full, while a pessimist sees the glass as half empty.



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