Manipulation or Comfort Seeking Behavior?

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November 3, 2018

I recently made the decision to leave my job and start my own business. I’m still 6 months out, because while I’ve decided to do my own thing, I wanted to transition out of my current job properly.

It was something I was going to do regardless of my wife’s opinion, so I never asked, just decided. I told her after I filed the first round of paperwork and have been hit with “It hurt me that we didn’t talk about this before you made up your mind,” and “Am I such a terrible wife that you didn’t want to talk to me about this?”

As a part of this transition, I’ve been taking on fewer responsibilities at home during the week. For example, I used to help clean up the kitchen after dinner. Now, most nights I head down to my office and work until it’s time for bed. At first, this was met with increased shit testing. Finally in the last two weeks, she’s learned the STFU, but a new behavior has developed.

Now, whenever I help around the house she “rewards” me sex and compliments about how grateful she is. While I’m not complaining about this new behavior, it’s clear she’s trying to entice me to return to my old level of help by conditioning me to expect sex. It’s a weird twist on chore play, where’s there actually more sex on the other side of the chores.

I take no issue with the sex, but I’m not sure if the wife is blatantly trying to manipulate me or if this is her seeking additional comfort? If she is trying to manipulate me, what should the next steps be?

Post Information
Title Manipulation or Comfort Seeking Behavior?
Author V1adimirP00ntin
Upvotes 8
Comments 19
Date 03 November 2018 08:42 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
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Red Pill terms found in post:
shit test

[–]justpickanyusernameRed Beret8 points9 points  (2 children) | Copy

What kind of ship are you navigating? Are you flying a bomber with a large crew or a single person fighter jet? They are flown very differently.

Many times a woman doesn’t necessarily want to dictate what the mission is per se, but wants to be included in it.

You seem to be flying solo here. How does your crew fit in? Figure that out and things will likely smooth over.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Just the two of us, so everything is the same as it was when I was single. I do what I want, when and I want and she can join or not. The idea that she’s trying to manipulate me through positive reinforcement makes me want to spend even less time with her.

[–]RedPillCoach2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

All of life is manipulation and you can't escape it. You should accept it and don't be butthurt.

Every interaction we have with another person is you manipulating them or them manipulating you, or, most commonly, you manipulating one another.

Every particle in the universe that interacts with another particle is manipulating that other particle.

[–]light-----------dark7 points8 points  (7 children) | Copy

Most women are likely subconsciously manipulative one way or another.

It may be better worth your time considering how to not be manipulated in the first place. Hitting the gym, building your frame, and pursuing your mission should set a firm foundation.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (6 children) | Copy

I’ve got all those boxes check. Hit the gym 4-6 days a week depending on where I am in my routine and the vast majority of my time not spent at work is spent on setting up my new business. Only way to avoid manipulation would be to stop putting in any work around the house, but I already only help when I want.

[–]Red-Nerd132 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

That's it then right there. She very well may be trying to manipulate you. Just keep doing what you're doing and take the sex and enjoy it. Just don't fall into the trap of doing housework 'for' sex. You can spin this to your advantage imo. If you help and she doesn't give you sex, then you could make a point not to help. Therby conditioning her that your help comes with sex.

The key is not to get covert about it and get butthurt when you don't get it. Just keep on your mission, initiate at other times when you want it.

[–]BostonBrakeJob1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

"take the sex and enjoy it" ?? I mean, enjoy it, sure. But conditioning her to chores leading to sex is horrible advice.

How about conditioning her to the fucking caveman when "she doles out" instead. By the time OP gets his business up and running, and finds his inner fun-guy, she'll be taking commands from him when he chooses.

[–]Red-Nerd134 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

You know what? You're right. Sticking with your mission is the best advice. The conditioning game is still in her frame, cuz your still thinking about it. Thanks for the call out.

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

No, he's putting you into a bad box.

'Chores for Sex' aint' no bad deal.

[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

She's trying to run her own covert contract ... which you never signed. Take care that you never do, and you'll be fine.

[–]BigGayGainz1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

Someone said it's important to know when you've won. As long as you feel like having sex with her and your not playing a zombie I can't see a problem. Who cares if she is trying to manipulate you. If you're concerned with that than your're in her frame. Negotiate hard for whatever you want and who cares about the rest.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Who negotiates with their wife? That seems like a set up for failure. I’m aware of my wife’s attempts to manipulate me. I find the behavior interesting, but it has no impact on my behavior.

I was most interested in getting input on of this was manipulation or a strange take on a comfort test.

[–]BigGayGainz1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

A negotiation is anything that comes from discussion. If you speak to your wife with a goal you are negotiating. So who doesn't negotiate every day?

[–]BigGayGainz0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

My point is, trying to think about what a women is thinking is a waste of your time and you are in her frame when you do this. What good can come from it?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I make decisions and give directions, I don’t have discussions and negotiate what I’m going to do.

[–]BigGayGainz1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Well, if you are failing to negotiate your not getting the best deal.

When you give 'orders' you are actually submitting a request to a human who has the capacity to either execute or ignore you. You have done things by your own admission to give yourself better leverage in these negotiations. Semantics

You aren't making offers she can't refuse, you are making offers that she doesn't want to refuse. That's why you are getting compliance.

Otherwise why not simply order her not to manipulate you?

[–]mrpthrowa0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

You live in her frame

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Can you elaborate?

[–]RedPillCoach0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I’m not sure if the wife is blatantly trying to manipulate me or if this is her seeking additional comfort?

Why binary? Do you think it could be both? She is blatantly trying to get you to provide comfort. Denying sex is, of course, a woman's primary weapon but when that is defused, often they only have what God gave them- an eager beaver slot C.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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